Mustard Seed Faith

Are there lepers in your life?

2012-02-12T02:55:00.000+11:00

In today's first reading (Leviticus 13:1-2, 44-46), we hear what to do when a man develops leprosy (believed to be Hansen's disease).

My first instinct was "Wow, that's harsh! You're being pretty mean, Lord! Torn clothing, disordered hair, yuck!! Plus being ostracised. That's a bit much. Shouldn't we be helping this poor fellow?"

Leprosy is generally believed to be transmitted through infected respiratory drops (although scientists still aren't sure). Certainly, in biblical times, it was believed that leprosy could be caught if you came into contact with someone with the disease, hence the reason a leper had to live apart until he was cured (plus, he probably wasn't so pleasant to look it, covered in all the lesions, but that's just speculation on my part).

Wikipedia says "left untreated, leprosy can be progressive, causing permanent damage to the skin, nerves, limbs and eyes".

(As an aside, it does not cause your body parts to fall off. Hey, I learn something new everyday!)

Another thing that's interesting is that the average incubation period (i.e. before the symptoms occur) is between three and five years.

This got me thinking. I don't personally know any lepers (do you?). But, how many of us have people or elements in our life that are less than savoury? Things or people that can (and do) cause permanent damage to our happiness, our faith, our dreams, our families?

Do you have a friend who is always negative about everything, their job, the economy, their outlook on life, all painted in black (or shades of grey)? What about a co-worker who has absolutely nothing positive to say at work? Or a family member who shoots you down everytime you express a dream that's different to the norm? Or someone who encourages you to play truant, try a joint or head out to the pub when you've got homework to do? Maybe you know someone who belittles your faith/beliefs whenever you catch up?

I have people like this in my life and I used to think there's no harm in having them around because I thought my faith and happiness were firmly rooted. But I found that they eventually started wearing me down (just like gentle water erodes hard rock over time). I started to become 'infected' with their negativity and it began to affect my happiness and my belief in my dreams for myself and my family.

There haven't many opportunities for me to see some of these people this year, and I've found the less I hang out with them, the happier I am. Situations that seemed dire before now don't seem so bad. I can actually see the fruits of my faith, now that their cloud of negativity has moved on. And, I didn't even realise how they were affecting me until I stopped hanging out with them.

So, perhaps there is some merit in ostracising these metaphorical lepers. Do you know any in your life?

Misery loves company

2011-12-27T18:15:00.000+11:00

While Malcolm has his guitar lessons on Saturday mornings, I often sit at a cafe across the road from the studio and read a book or catch up on the things I've put off during the week. A couple of weeks ago, I sat in the sun and tackled my Christmas cards list for my church family.

When I went in to pay for my coffee before leaving, the barista asked me what I had planned for the day, and I replied,"Running last minute Christmas errands, too many things to do and too little time!"

I must have looked slightly frazzled because he said,"If it makes you feel better, I haven't even started my Christmas shopping next, so you're ahead!"

This got me thinking: how many times do we say/hear the phrase "if it makes you feel better" followed by a sharing of something miserable designed to illustrate that they're in a worse position to you? And, more importantly, how many of us actually do feel better hearing that?

Quite a few, I would bet.

Why?

Perhaps we are reminded to count our blessings when faced with the realisation that someone else has it worse. Or maybe its related to our need for survival - if someone else is worse off it must mean were ahead and therefore higher up on the food (and survival) chain.Or maybe it's our need for community, the need to feel like we're all in this together, and we don't stand alone.

Who knows?

The next time you're tempted to share a sob story to commiserate, perhaps try sharing a positive story instead, something that will lift both you and the recipient above whatever misery or stress it is you are feeling. Share the hope of a better tomorrow.

After all:

If God is for us, who can ever be against us? - Romans 8:31

Be happy always

2011-12-12T00:13:00.000+11:00

Today is the third Sunday of Advent - the Sunday of joy. In contrast to the first two Sundays of Advent, which are more solemn and reflective, today is joyous and filled with expectancy at the coming of our Saviour.

Today's second reading starts with the following call:

Be happy at all times. - 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Notice it doesn't say feel happy, it says BE happy.

Isn't that interesting?

How many of us wait for the weekend (or Friday afternoon) to feel happy? Do you wait for something to happen in order for you to feel happy? Do you say "I'll be happy when the holidays come around, when I finally quit my job, when I have that new handbag or pair of shoes, when I earn more money, when I buy that new car, or when this guy asks me out?

Lately, I've been feeling run down and unhappy. And I've been looking forward to the Christmas break in the hopes that, when I've had some time to rest and reflect, I will finally feel happy (or least figure out what would make me happy!). In essence, I am looking to people (my family) or things (shopping) or circumstances (Christmas celebrations) to help me feel happy.

Today's reading challenges us to be happy. It makes being happy a choice; something we actively choose to do, not something that passively happens to us at the whim of the universe. It means rejoicing in all our circumstances, especially the ones that challenge us. It means praising even when we can't see a resolution, and hoping for light when surrounded by darkness.

It means choosing to see the good, speak the positive and hold on to the hope that faith instills in us.

For me, it means choosing to speak positively for 7 days (baby steps!), choosing to wake up each morning believing that I will be given the grace to successfully get me through the day, choosing to see the good in what I have and do (even when I just want to throw the towel in). It means counting my blessings each morning, before I start my day, and giving thanks for all the little things I've experienced, before I lay my head down to sleep at night..

And, in doing so, I hope to bring to life this prayer in my life:

"Lord, I rejoice in Your coming. I rejoice at the love, grace and mercy that flow so freely through You. Your amazing power, Your majesty, is everywhere, from the birds that sing your praise in the morning to the sun that sets faithfully, like Your love, every night. Help me to rejoice despite my circumstances. Help me to have faith when things seem bleak, when despair creeps in, and when tiredness settles deep in my soul. Open my eyes to see Your power at work in my life, that my faith will be strengthened."

My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; My spirit rejoices in God my savior.

- Mary's song, Luke 1:46-47

I'm forever yours, faithfully

2011-09-03T01:27:00.000+10:00

This past month has been interesting, and it has been a struggle hanging on to my positivity and faith that God will make things good in His time. This week in particular has been challenging, with sleepless nights leaving me tired and wondering when God plans to step in. I mean, I gave him the key weeks ago, but He's taking his time opening the door! Ever felt that way? I do!

But tonight I received some good news that reminded me (and not gently!) that God is faithful and true.

Over a year ago, our parish priest was charged with indecent assault. Having known him for some time and hearing his side of the story, it was hard to comprehend why this was happening. However, the impact on our church, and on us personally, was very sudden and very real.

Coming out of a dinner date with my husband, I received a text from a friend that started with "It's time for rejoicing, celebrating and thanking the Lord." You know whatever comes next has got to be good!

Turns out our parish priest was completely cleared by the court. Given I thought his trial didn't start until October, this was very good news indeed!! Time stood still for a while as the fullness of God's amazing faithfulness began to sink in.

Throughout the two year period, so many of us prayed for a miracle and, in the meantime, prayed for understanding and peace to accept God's will and patience to wait on Him. In the face of what appeared to be zealous investigators, hastily laid charges and a Catholic church that is still in the midst of scandal, it would have been so easy to lose courage and give up. And some did.

But he held fast to God and His promises and encouraged me to do that same. With all that was happening in my life, he encouraged me to trust that God has a plan and He is faithful, always.

When faced with a situation that is unfair or unjust, it is hard for me to trust that God will take care of things, especially when either things are not moving along as quickly as I'd like them to or, worse, sliding downhill. Then, I start offering God "advice" on how things could be fixed. Imagine that!

But even though I shouldn't be rewarded for my doubt, He has proven time after time that He is faithful to me.

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed - Isaiah 54:10

And so tonight, as the mountains shake around me, I stand, overwhelmed by His faithfulness, with the chorus of this song playing like a drumbeat in my heart:

Lazarus - Part 2 (in the desert)

2011-07-23T23:33:00.000+10:00

Remember the story of Lazarus?

Earlier in the year, we talked about Lazarus and, in particular, how Jesus demonstrated God's amazing power by raising a man from the dead after 4 days and effectively signed his own death warrant. In doing so, he convicted our unbelief and proved that he really is the Son of God (for no ordinary man could raise another from the dead).

But I've always wondered: why did Jesus wait 4 days before he brought Lazarus back to life?

Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick. Instead of making haste to go to his side and heal him, Jesus waited two more days before leaving for Bethany, where Lazarus was, by which time Lazarus was already dead. By the time Jesus reached his side, Lazarus had been lying in the grave for 4 days.

Imagine what it must have been like in those days - there was no air-conditioning, no embalming, probably no fancy funeral parlours, so the conditions were likely to have been hot and humid and dusty. Imagine a dead body lying around for 4 days in that heat; it couldn't have been a pleasant sight or smell to behold! Add to that the believers who were mourning Lazarus' death and wondering why Jesus didn't do something, and we can safely conclude the welcoming party was probably not as enthusiastic as they could have been.

We know this story has a happy ending - Jesus commands Lazarus to come out of the grave and all is well with the world, for a while anyway.

But, put yourself in Mary and Martha's shoes: they knew Jesus loved them, just as they loved him and, therefore, he would not want them to suffer. They knew Jesus could have healed Lazarus when he was ill; after all, he'd already healed the blind, made the lame to walk and cleansed lepers. We know this because both of them said "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." And yet, he let Lazarus die. And Jesus didn't arrive one minute or one hour or even one day after Lazarus died; he waited four whole days! Talk about stamping out all hope!

How many times have you cried out to God, only to be met with silence? A problem or circumstance that seems painful to you would be so easy for God to fix; a wave of his finger and all would be well again. And yet, no matter how much you prayed, no deliverance came. And you are reminded that God loves you and wants only the best for you. But he won't deliver you from one miserable cricumstance when you ask! What gives?

The answer lies in what Jesus said when he first found out Lazarus was sick.

“This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”

Sometimes, God wants us to wait so that, when He moves, we will know it was not our doing or our own merit that delivered us; there will be no doubt that it was His grace.

I don't believe God deliberately places us in tough situations. I have no problem getting myself into sticky situations; I don't need anyone's help for that! But I do know that God can use any circumstance for his glory; so that others may come to know Him and see His grace at work in me. And sometimes, He needs to get the timing just right for that to happen.

Other times, it may be that I have a lesson to learn and, if an answer or solution is given to me when I ask for it, I may not learn the lesson and, as a result, will keep getting myself into the same mess over and over again (which means more suffering down the path).

And sometimes, it may well be that the answer is No, but I'm just not ready to accept that, and God knows my heart. So, instead of saying no straight away (and leaving me angry and confused), he makes me wait and grow until I am ready to accept that the circumstance is not going to turn out quite how I planned. Hopefully, by that time, I will be at peace and ready for the next door God will open for me.

So, if you're going through a tough time, and it seems like God is not listening, I encourage you to be patient and wait on Him. We need the desert to appreciate the rain sometimes, and we need the dark to truly understand how blessed we are to live in the light.

Good soil

2011-07-23T22:41:00.003+10:00

Are your thumbs green?

I must admit, I seem to have murderous (as opposed to green) thumbs; if plants come back to my house under my care, it's pretty much a death sentence. Doesn't stop me from buying them though, poor plants!

Fortunately, both my mum and my husband are very good with plants (so some get a reprieve). When they buy a plant, they come home, fill a pot with richly fertilised soil, securely re-home the sapling deep in the fresh earth, packing the earth around the roots to ensure the sapling is warm and snugly held in place, and then they water the saplings so that they are nice and moist. The saplings are then placed in the sun (or in the shade) and lovingly nurtured every day as they grow.

These saplings are surrounded by good quality ingredients: nutrient-rich soil, water, plenty of sunshine, and lots of love, which they absorb and use to fuel their growth.

"A farmer when out to sow his seed. As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. Some feel on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and chocked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop - a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. Whoever has ears, let them hear." - Matthew 13:1-23

The seed is God's word; Love, Grace, Salvation, Hope. It is constant, true, forever. Our hearts, on the other hand, are the variables.

Is your heart like the busy path? Do you hear but not understand? Is your heart closed off to the goodness of the world, the wonders of all God wants to give you? Have you not been able to find the time to get to know God's word? Do you feel you don't need God right now? Is the busy-ness of life getting in the way? Often we hear of God's promises but the lure of the world is so much more enticing. And so we tell God, "Lord, I'll be back. I can't follow you right now, because there's this thing I have to do first, but I'll be back. You just hang tight." And, one by one, the seeds are consumed.

Is your heart like the rocky place? Maybe you attended a new church, or an awesome praise night, or saw someone's life transformed through their encounter with Jesus, and you thought "I love this message! This God is amazing!There's something there, I felt a flutter, a moment. Maybe I'll join a cell group and get to know God better." But the moment you encountered some resistance: cell group was on cheap movie Tuesdays, you didn't like one of the people there, you're just so tired after work, claims of sexual abuse in the church, people ridiculing you for embracing a God they have never seen, you stumbled- you miss one session, then another and, before you know it, you're back to your usual schedule; the fleeting joy of the encounter and the message of hope now a distant memory.

Is your heart like the thorny ground covered in weeds? Does the noise of the world crowd out God's gentle whisper? Does the pursuit of wealth and success, whether in your job or a business, take priority over spending time in prayer or quiet contemplation? Does attending social events take precedence over going to church (after all, mass will happen again next Sunday)? Are you more concerned with obtaining the approval of the world rather than that of the world's Creator? Is your mind distracted by incessant worrying?

Or is your heart like the good soil? Are you ready and willing to accept and nurture God's word? Will you surrender to His will? Can you wait patiently on him, resisting the urge to give up when things don't seem to be moving anywhere? Will you hold fast to your faith when the world tells you it can make you happy? Can you continue to praise him, even if your circumstances are dire? Will you tell others of his unconditional love for them, his unending grace given freely and the hope of eternal life?

"As for the seed that fell on good soil it is the one who hears the word and understands it; this bears fruit and produces a hundred, or sixty, or thirty times more.”

Don't call me, I'll call you

2011-06-14T23:50:00.003+10:00

Meet Tassie:

Tassie is a beautiful and intelligent golden retriever who is gorgeous and regal, when she feels like it. At other times, she's a rotten retriver who sulks and ignores you.

So now you've met all my three dogs: Grumps (Mr "Pay Attention To Me and Only Me"), Emmy (Ms "Please Love Me, I Love You So Much") and now Tassie -Ms "Don't Call Me, I'll Call You".

When she wants your affection, she'll come get you. Otherwise, leave her alone; she's quite content with her own company and will not come when called, or even acknowledge your presence, unless she feels like responding. You can call, cajole, beg, shout or cry but, unless you've got a treat in your hand, if she's not in the mood she's not answering you anytime soon .When dealing with her, I often feel like I'm talking to a wall. One has to work hard to earn her attention and, quite frankly, when I'm home on a holiday, there are other things I'd much rather be doing than begging her for affection. But, when she does feel like responding (if I'm persistent enough), she lumbers over and smothers me with so much love (and a generous lick or three) before plopping herself down on the floor, half on me, for a cuddle, looking up at me with her gorgeous eyes, and all is right with the world.

Do you sometimes feel like God doesn't answer your prayers, no matter what you do or how hard you pray? I know I do. There are times when I've prayed for deliverance from a situation for many months, only to be met by silence each and every time, continuing to suffer. I've prayed for patience, only to be faced with more situations in which to be impatient. I've prayed for a forgiving heart, only to find the person I'm meant to be forgiving seems hellbent on earning my wrath!

And then, one day, in the stillness of the morning chill, as I lie still and prepare my heart for whatever the day brings, I feel forgiveness flood my soul, and I am filled with peace. Or, out of the blue, the person who hurt me does something that helps build a bridge; or God's hand is clearly seen at work, clearing the clouds from the situation and providing a resolution.

Hmmm.. sounds a bit like Tassie! Don't call me, I'll call you!

So, what should I do? Go about my merry way and wait until God deigns to do something about it? Petition God everyday until I get an answer? Just go out and fix things the best I can, relying on my own ability and strength? Any of those could possibly work, but they don't sit well with me.

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances" -

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Instead, I give thanks for all that has been given to me.

I am blessed beyond belief. Most times, I receive grace beyond that which I deserve, and which I most definitely have not earned. There are days when I am filled with a sense of peace and hope, even though I can't see around the next bend, which can only come from my Creator. Even if nothing more is given to me, I know I am blessed.

I then surrender my situation, needs, wants and feelings to Him and pray for His guidance (and the patience I sorely need to wait for an answer!). Sometimes, I pray a few times before surrendering; other times, a thousand prayers are needed.

Then, I sit and smile and wait, all the while reminding God that I'm here, just hanging, waiting for His grace to be showered down.

And, when I least expect it, I feel the nudge of a cold nose and a slow long lick up the side of my face, and all is right with my world.

Exchanging diamonds for cubic zirconias

2011-05-03T00:58:00.001+10:00

Even been stumped by a Sudoku puzzle?

These weird little 9 by 9 puzzles filled with tiny boxes bring me so much pleasure and have the propensity to keep me up late into the night trying to figure out where the numbers go! Often, it will be one box that stumps me and, once I've figured that box out, the rest of the puzzle falls neatly into place. The problem is, that one single box can keep me stumped for a couple of days!

However, I normally find if I leave the puzzle aside for a night or two and read/do something else, I find the elusive number shortly after coming back to the puzzle.

Ever since I was a child, whenever something bothers me, be it a maths problem, moral dilemma, or simply a question that I just can't find (or remember) the answer to, I remember my parents' advice - sleep on it. I've found that putting the problem aside for a while allows me to process it unconsciously and what eluded me when I was right in the thick of things becomes clearer once I've take a step back and looked at it with fresh eyes.

Sometimes, things are not as simple as a Sudoku puzzle, and simply putting them aside for a little while is not enough. With some problems, I need wisdom, a different perspective, the ability to let the outcome I want go and let God's will be done. Being a half choleric, surrendering anything (least of all control!) is hard at the best of times.

I am in one such situation at the moment and surrendering has been such a struggle because, without things turning out the way I would like them to (i.e. according to MY plan), I'm not sure what the future holds for me. Seeing as how I like to know where I'm going and when I'll get there, you can probably imagine how hard this is for me.

But a turning point in this situation came for me on Sunday morning when my not surrendering, and therefore continuing to worry and not sleep properly, caused me to be distracted and stressed, thereby affecting my music ministry. As a result, we stopped praising and merely sang. Did we sing well? Absolutely. Did we rock the last song? Most definitely. Was it annointed? Probably not. For that morning, we were just a really good band, doing a disservice to ourselves and to our church. Did the church notice? I don't know, but I certainly did. My irritation affected my peace and, in turn, my leadership of the team.

Why? Because I exchanged peace for control.

That's equivalent to giving up diamonds for cubic zirconias. In other words, I got a raw deal. Major bargaining failure on my part.

I chose to retain "control" over my situation, which is ironic since I have virtually no control over the outcome, instead of surrendering to He who sees the entire situation, not just my part of it, and who knows what lies in store. Instead of saying, "Lord your will be done" (The Lord's Prayer, Matthew 6:10), I choose to believe that, if I pondered and worried over the situation long enough, somehow I could compel the universe to bring about the outcome I so strongly desire. Tried that, doesn't work.

And so, after yesterday's musical fiasco, I took a nice long afternoon walk and surrendered, in totality, my situation. I prayed that His will be done, whatever that may be. I asked for the courage to accept His decision, even if it's not what I want for myself or my family. I prayed for peace to wait on His will (extra prayers were required for this since patience is not a virtue of mine!). I prayed for guidance on what to do in the meantime and, finally, I prayed that I might still continue to praise Him regardless of what happens.

Did a miracle happen? Did I suddenly walk into a shaft of light and feel unburdened and peaceful as a dove gently descended on my head? I wish! I came home from the walk feeling much the same as when I left.

But I prayed the same prayer again before I went to bed, and actually managed to get some sleep last night. I woke up this morning feeling a little better than I have felt in the last few weeks. And tonight, as I write this by the warm glow of my heater, I feel a little lighter.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. - Isaiah 40:31

Lazarus Part 1 - Would you?

2011-04-22T23:24:00.000+10:00

A couple of weeks ago, the Gospel was about the story of Lazarus.

Lazarus and his sisters, Martha and Mary were friends of Jesus. When Lazarus fell ill, his sisters said to Jesus, "Lord, the man you love is ill." Instead of going to his side, Jesus waited two days before going to the town where Lazarus was, Bethany. Jesus obviously knew he was going to perform a miracle greater than he had before and, through it, the "Son of God would be glorified" (John 11:4).

When Jesus finally arrives in Bethany, Lazarus has already been dead for four days. When Martha hears of his arrival, she goes out to meet Jesus and says "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

Jesus said, "I am the resurrection. If anyone believes in me, even though he dies he will live, and whoever lives and believes me in will never die."

Martha then goes off to get Mary and bring her to Jesus (who had not yet entered the town), and they are followed by the many Jews who were at Mary's house grieving with her. As soon as Mary see Jesus, she threw herself at his feet, weeping with grief. At the sight of her tears and the tears of all the Jews with her, Jesus sighed straight from his heart and wept. Jesus then went to Lazarus's tomb and, after ordering that the stone covering his burial place be removed, Jesus prayed to his Father, and then cried out in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" and the dead man came out.

To me, this passage has often been an illustration of God's amazing power. But, I've often wondered why Jesus cried. I mean, he probably already knew he was going to wake Lazarus from the dead, and everyone would be happy. When I know I'm going to surprise someone with something good, I find it hard to keep that joy inside me, and often struggle to keep the impish grin off my face so that I don't spoil the surprise. Jesus knew he was going to perform a miracle (that's why he waited two days before leaving for Bethany, presumably to make sure Lazarus was dead by the time he got there). He knew that Mary and Martha's tears would be turned to joy in a few moments, and yet he wept at the sight of their grief. I never understood that.

Were the tears a sign of frustration, because even after all this time the people still didn't get the point - that he is the Messiah? Were they tears of grief, at the thought of his friend's death? Were they were tears of sympathy for Mary and Martha's loss?

Or were the tears perhaps ones of sadness and resignation, for he knew that, by raising Lazarus from the dead, he would be performing the miracle that would effectively sign his own death warrant?

And yet, he did it anyway.

Would we?

Would you do something that was difficult, dangerous, life threatening, career limiting, or uncomfortable if you knew the consqeuences would be painful or fatal? Or would you stand back and just watch?

This story reminds me of the 43 year old solicitor from Melbourne who was fatally shot when he went to the aid of a woman who was being assaulted in the CBD in 2007. He may not have known that the assailant had a gun, or that he would die as a result but, even not knowing how things would turn out, he went to her aid anyway.

What if he had known he would be fatally shot? What if he had know that earlier the morning he probably kissed his wife and children for the last time? Would he have gone to her aid?

That is exactly what Jesus did. He raised Lazarus from the dead, knowing his death would come shortly after as a result, because that was what the Father called him to do. This miracle showed his disciples, and the world, that Jesus had power over death. He proved that he was the Son of God and many came to believe after seeing this miracle.

Jesus convicted our unbelief with this act.

As time goes by..

2011-02-14T00:28:00.000+11:00

This weekend, M and I celebrated 13 years of being together.

That's 13 awesome years of walking the dogs, late night phone calls, dinner dates, sneaked kisses, love letters, arguments, firsts and lasts, afternoon movies, games of pool, holidays, drives between JB and KL, celebrating Christmas and ushering in the New Year together, sharing dreams over drinks at the mamak, IRC-ing and webcam-ing, laughing till we cried and moments that took our breath away.

To celebrate, we decided that this weekend would be a 'just us' weekend. So, instead of the usual routine of catching up with friends, running errands, grocery shopping and generally watching our weekend race past us, we started the weekend with a sleep in and a home cooked hearty brunch. After a little bit of spring cleaning, we settled on the couch to watch a couple of movies before heading out for our dinner date. Our picks for the afternoon were Shrek 3 and Shark Tale (what can I say, we like our entertainment colourful and animated!). Funnily enough, the two movies have a common theme (this wasn't planned!) - we often don't appreciate what we have until its gone.

How often do we wish we had a different life, partner, job, etc? Sometimes, we look at our loyal partner who clearly loves us to bits, and we wish we had a little less stability and a little more sweep-me-off-my-feet romance and the excitement of a new or forbidden encounter. Or perhaps we love the idea of having someone to come home too, but miss the idea of a little variety.

When we're right in the middle of it, things can seem mundance or predictable and boring. What in actuality is a little problem can easily be blown way out of proportion until it becomes our absolute focus, rather than just another pixel that makes up the whole picture. That's why it is good to take regular trips outside of ourselves and the situation and look in, to truly see and appreciate what we have.

Having been together for so long, it can be easy for me to take M for granted, especially since he is quite easy going and doesn't demand much from me (he is low-maintenance and I love that about him!). So, here are a few things I appreciate about him.

1. He loves me just the way I am - nutty, impatient, impulsive, stubborn, emotional and contradictory.

2. He is faithful.

3. He genuinely loves my family and gets along with them.

4. He makes me feel comfortable enough around him to make silly faces, do stupid things, sing off-key, wear my clothes inside out and try out different looks and know he will not judge me.

5. He gets up in the middle of the night to look after and comfort me when I am sick, and doesn't complain the next morning when he has to get up and go to work without having had enough sleep.

6. He will try anything at least once.

7. He keeps on believing in the best, right until the very end.

8. He has an uncanny ability to turn tears to laughter.

9. The way he can make my heart skip a beat by singing "Only You" and then make me laugh the next moment by making up a silly verse to the same tune.

10. I know he will also be on my side, even if I'm wrong - it's us against the world, and I know I'll never stand alone.

Here's to another decade, sweetheart!

Welcome 2011, my best year yet

2011-01-01T06:38:00.001+11:00

And so it is, another year gone and a fresh one just raring to go.

2010 was a year filled with challenges, poignant moments, life lessons, growth and enlightenment. To say it was interesting would be an understatement. In the past 365 days, I enjoyed countless hours in the company of friends better classified as family, magical moments with my husband, blessed time with my family and a lot of time on my knees in prayer.

I laughed (truly laughed, the kind that comes from deep in your belly and has tears running down your face), cried heart-wrenching tears (till my eyes ran dry) for the loss of loved ones, suffered disappointment over lost dreams, pondered my life's purpose, agonized over decisions to be made, reflected upon my journey, worried about my health, made goals and discussed strategies, grew a year older (and hopefully wiser), flew a collective distance of 40,000kms, held a team (and my faith) together when things around us fell apart and, in general, led a good life.

But not a great one.

So, with the benefit of hindsight, here are my resolutions for 2011, to make it my best year yet.

1. Work to live, not live to work. I will draw a line between my job and who I am. I will separate the two and understand that I can give my best at work and still ensure that my life remains my own. My future is in my hands and I will let no one else tell me who I am or limit what I can be.

2. Learn new things and make new memories. I will spend less time watching the idiot box or mindlessly surfing the internet for useless information. Instead, I will use this time to learn new things (maybe a language or a new craft) and make new memories with my husband and friends. I will visit new places (weekends are great for roadtrips) and spend some time getting to know myself.

3. Take more photographs. I will put my Nikon DSLR and Sony Cybershot to good use this year. Armed with a few 4GB memory cards, I will fill my brand new external hard drive with photographs of moments and memories that make up my life and will tell my story of 2011.

4. More patience, less irritation. I will be more patient with my husband, my sister, my parents, my friends, reckless drivers on the road and people in general. When I feel myself getting irritated, I will take a deep breath (or as many as it takes), rearrange my features and exercise patience and understanding (and keep my thoughts to myself!).

5. Treat the most important people in my life like the VIPs. Often, we treat those who are closest to us with the least care, comfortable (maybe too comfortable!) in showing them our bad or mean side, because we know they'll always be there and they will always love us, no matter what. By contrast, we treat our friends (and people we don't really know) to our best side. I will treat my husband and my family like VIPs instead of taking them for granted, and I will show them my best side.

6. Send more cards and letters. I am addicted to texting and emails and really dislike calling someone up and talking to them on the phone. This year, I will send cards (the real ones, with the stamp on the envelope, not e-cards) to my loved ones, instead of emails and texts. I will call to ask someone how they are, instead of texting them, and I will write letters to my family regularly. I will also visit my sister, who moved halfway across the world to be closer to her family.

7. Make exercise and eating right priorities, not afterthoughts. Instead of working in exercise around work/appointments and eating right only when I have the time (and I'm not too tired), I will plan exercise into each day and make it a must-keep appointment with myself. I will plan our meals when doing our weekly grocery run and ensure that we eat a balanced home cooked meal at least 5 nights a week. I will get home at a reasonable hour each day and will not let work dictate my life.

8. Rely more on Him and less on myself. I will learn to surrender my cares to Him and only worry about things I can control and influence. I will strengthen my faith by reading the entire bible in the next 365 days, spending time in quiet reflection and prayer and sharing what I learn in this blog. I will relax (and hopefully reverse!) the worry lines developing on my face.

9. Take my own advice. Turns out, I give great advice. It's time I take it. I will look after myself and my interests.

10. Be my own biggest fan. I will stop being my biggest critic and start being my biggest fan. I will not let someone else's opinion determine (or even influence) my self-worth. I will take comfort knowing that my Creator and my family love me as I am. I will work on improving myself and discovering His purpose for me, I will congratulate myself for failing and getting up again, I will believe in and stand up for myself, and I will love myself.

Gosh, I'm excited and ready to get on with life. 2011, bring it on!

Hand it over

2011-01-01T06:38:00.000+11:00

Meet Apollo:

This adorable German Shepherd used to work in the police force in Australia. That dirty, chewed up bucket you see is his favourite toy. When he sees company, he grabs his bucket and walks over to you, thrusting it at you to invite you to play. His idea of fun is to play tug and war with this drool covered bucket. Now, given he used to be a police dog, who do you think ALWAYS wins this game? He just won't let go. Occassionally, his friend Scarlet will amble over and she'll join in the tug of war too, in which case you should just accept defeat, brush your hands off against your jeans and walk away, game over.

After half an hour of playing tug of war (I don't give up easy!), I gave up and walked into the kitchen to wash my dirt-and-saliva covered hands. I then stepped back out onto the deck to speak to my sister about something and bid the doggies goodbye (without touching them, of course). He ran over with his bucket and, with those adorable eyes, implored me to play with him. I ignored him and continued the conversation I was having with my sister. He nudged my leg with his bucket, trying to get me to play. After a couple of minutes of getting nowhere, do you know what he did?

He threw the bucket at me!

Yup, he didn't just let it go or drop it gently on the floor. He moved his head threw it at me, and it hit my thigh and dropped at my feet. He finally gave up :) And, just for that, he got a nice long cuddle and another 10 minutes of playing.

How many of us are like him, praying for God to come into a situation and take control, to fix, heal and restore but find it difficult to let go? We want God to take, but we don't give; we want Him to heal, but don't surrender; we want Him to restore, but hold on tightly to the way things are.

Imagine going to a doctor to get your appendix removed, and then wrapping your arms around your tummy and not letting him anywhere near you with a scalpel? Or taking your laptop in for a repair but not handing it over to the technician for him to diagnose and fix? Or drowning and calling for help, but not allowing the lifeguard to help you back to shore?

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

We are called to cast all our anxiety on Him.

To cast means to throw, i.e. to let go and let fly. We actually need to let go of our worries in order to cast them onto God.

I often cry out to God for help, saying I want to give Him my problems and I want Him to take over, but in reality I want Him to help me on MY terms, not His. Surrendering a situation over to God means giving Him control over it and allowing Him to move in His time and according to His will. This means accepting that I may not like the outcome (maybe because it's not fair or not how I imagine things would turn out) or I may not like how long it is taking Him to work His magic.

There are situations in my life that I have surrendered to God (after much to-ing and fro-ing) and, until today, they have not been resolved. But I know that He knows every miniscule detail about that situation and, as hard as it is, I must wait on Him.

Does surrendering make it any easier? Not really.

Do I have more peace because I am no longer spending my days worrying about how I am going to fix things or how things will turn out? Definitely.

And so I throw my dirty buckets at Him, I surrender, and I wait peacefully.

What dirty buckets are you holding on to?

Let sleeping dogs lie

2010-12-21T03:48:00.002+11:00

Meet Grumps:

Grumps is a lovely, intelligent, hyperactive Schnauzer puppy. He looks so peaceful when he's asleep, but heaven forbid you should be around once he wakes up. He won't leave you alone! He will be at your heels, following you around the house, pacing outseide the bedroom or bathroom door, constantly watching you, waiting to jump into your lap when the opportunity presents itself, howling when you try to have a conversation with someone else, and generally being a pest.

But he's gorgeous, and life is peaceful, when he's asleep. Moral of the story? When he's asleep, do not, under ANY circumstances, wake him up or catch his eye. The English idiom "let sleeping dogs lie" is one that we strictly follow when it comes to Grumps.

I wonder, how many of us 'let sleeping dogs lie' on a daily basis? Do we prefer to refrain from doing or saying something, even if the situation calls for it, because it is likely to result in trouble?

Do you close your eyes to the 1 billion hungry people worldwide? Do you look the other way and pretend you don't see the homeless guy struggling to keep warm as he takes shelter under cardbox boxes, trying to sleep off the cold under a hard park bench? Do you disagree with pro-abortion or pro-euthanasia laws being passed in your state but refuse to sign a petition protesting against it? Why? Because actually taking notice means you'll have to do something? Becuase you may have to change your life or take a stand, and bear the consequences?

What about at work? Do you stand up for your beliefs and defend those who need help? Do you speak out against unjust behaviour? I often hear of people not wanting to 'rock the boat' by doing something that is clearly right, because it's a 'career limiting move'. By the way, I hate this phrase. If standing up for something that is right is a career limiting move, perhaps you're in the wrong career!

It is much easier to ignore these situations or think that someone else will take care of it, because taking a stand and saying or doing something means stepping out of our comfort zone. It means putting our name or job or status or reputation on the line. It means risking the wrath of those around you, who may label you or judge you for your choices.

If you're unhappy with something that is being done, if it goes against your faith or your beliefs, speak up. Do something. Make a difference. You've got the greatest power on your side.

"Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear their threats; do not be frightened. But in your hearts, revere Christ as Lord." - 1 Peter 3: 14-15

God, grant me the courage to not give up what I think is right even though I think it is hopeless - Chester Nimitz

Are you ready?

2010-11-29T00:55:00.001+11:00

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. It marks the start of a new liturgical year and, for the next four Sundays, the priest will wear purple vestments to symbolise the character of advent, being repentance and conversion.

Today is also the day I start counting down to Christmas (my favourite time of year) - 26 days to go!

"Then the angel said to them,"Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Saviour, who is Christ the Lord." - Luke 2:10-11

Christmas symbolises the birth of our Saviour, the day God came to an earth that was broken and in disarray, so that we would be restored to Him. So that we would know a living God, one who truly knows how we feel and who has stood where we stand. And so advent is a time for us to reflect, to repent and to prepare to be restored by Him.

Today's readings urge us to be vigilant and ready for God's coming. As nice as it would be, I don't think the liturgy is referring to Christmas preparations as we know it. The first reading reminds us that, in order to be prepared, we need to be attentive to God's word so that our hearts will be one with His. The second reading advises us to give up our vices and to live the life God calls us to live - His life, not the life the world calls us to lead. And, finally, the Gospel reminds us that we do not know when God will come, so we are to be ready now.

There won't be a memo circulated beforehand, reminding us to repent before God appears. There won't be a five year warning, or a last minute pitstop - we must be prepared now. God is not going to call ahead and make an appointment; He could knock on our door tomorrow to see us. Are our hearts ready for Him?

My house is usually in a mess, and M and I normally go on a mad cleaning spree when we know we have guests coming over for dinner, or when our parents are coming to visit. But we can't do much about the place when friends drop by unexpectedly (except maybe distract them at the door and go out for a coffee instead).

Today's Gospel reminds us that God's coming will be unexpected, and He expects to be ready and waiting for Him.

Is my heart ready? If I were called home tomorrow, would I be able to stand before God and lay bare before him my heart and my life and say that I lived a Christian life?

Would you?

And so, this Advent, as we prepare our homes for Christmas, let us too prepare our Hearts for His coming and keep in mind the real reason for our celebrations - the coming of our Saviour.

Dancing cheek to cheek

2010-11-15T23:04:00.000+11:00

I had the pleasure of attending my aunt's 70th birthday celebrations a couple of weeks ago.

It was a beautiful night with lovely food, great company and an awesome DJ who kept us on the dance floor for most of the night. After a night of shaking to Michael Jackson, Madonna and Elvis, the DJ played a couple of slow songs for us to end the night.

It was beautiful to see couples who have been married for decades come together, wrap their arms around each other's waists and sway gently to the soulful tunes of yesteryear. To see an open display of everlasting love was heart-warming, and seeing both finely aged couples and newlyweds swaying together on the same dancefloor really filled me with hope.

For, earlier that day, I read an article in The Age newspaper suggesting that marriage licences should have a finite period, say 10 years, after which the marriage may be dissolved with as little hassle as possible (i.e. presumably making the divorce process automatic and immediate) or renewed for another 10 years. Apparently, in today's society, it is too much to ask for two people to make a vow for marriage to be forever, if the divorce rates are anything to go by. The author of this article apparently believes that people should not be expected to keep a promise they willingly made and instead should be allowed an easy 'out', rather than having to go through the messy process of obtaining a divorce.

In my opinion, you make a promise when you get married and getting out of that promise should be extremely messy, it should be difficult, and it should be painful. Otherwise, a promise means nothing. Let me caveat this by saying I think this should apply to those who have 'fallen out of love', or simply changed their mind. I am not talking about those who are in abusive marriages or have other strong reasons for splitting up.

I was quite annoyed after reading this article and underneath that annoyance was a great sadness for the state of the world today. Having known many marriages broken up by infidelity, a lack of understanding or a compromise, or just simply two people having grown apart, I wondered what the future would hold, and how different the world was going to be for my children.

But, as I watched this particular couple, wrapped lovingly around each other and oblivious to the world around them, I looked up at my husband and silently gave thanks for a timely reminder that marriages do last forever.

Lord, help me to be a tax collector

2010-10-26T22:18:00.000+11:00

(No, I do not want a job with the Australian Taxation Office.)

We heard on Sunday the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector:

"To some,who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else, Jesus told this parable: Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men - robbers, evildoers, adulterers - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'

I tell you that this man rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." - Luke 18:9-14

Lately, I have been reflecting on friends who are now no more than acquaintances, people I once welcomed into my home and heart and confided in, now only greeted by the occasional hi or wave after church or in a passing comment on Facebook. A friend said to me that some friends come into your life for only a season, and others say it's normal for friends to drift apart after some time; it's the natural ebb and flow of nature -i.e. that I shouldn't worry to much about it.

It would be easy to accept that - to just say that we've drifted apart. Much easier to blame them for not calling or staying in touch or inviting me out for coffee or over to their house. After all, I'm a nice person, I was always polite and caring towards them, I put up with their idiosyncrasies, why would someone want to drift away from me if we've had a good friendship previously? Much easier to exalt myself. Am I starting to sound like the Pharisee yet?

In our humanity, it is often hard to admit that something is our fault, much less that there may be something wrong with our behaviour. Heaven forbid we should need to say we're sorry, seek forgiveness and change our ways. Of course, it probably doesn't help that, in order to get ahead in the rat race, we've got to make sure we push our own fame agenda - be the fastest, loudest, most efficient, richest rat there is, often to the exclusion of the other rats.

I don't disagree that sometimes people change and move apart naturally. When that happens, I wish them well and continue to pray that God will bless their lives with his grace (I certainly do not wish them ill). However, I think that we sometimes give up too easily, because it's much easier on our pride to say we've drifted apart rather than admit we may have done something wrong.

What's should we do instead?

Well, the alternative (which is likely to be painful) is to reflect on why the friendship went south and to honestly examine our hearts to see if we did anything to contribute to that.

I did this today, and it was not pleasant. It is an incredibly humbling experience to have to write to someone (I'm still a coward, so I didn't call them) and ask them to tell you if you've done something wrong (more so when you think you haven't!) and to say, with all sincerity, that you will consider what they have to say, knowing you may well have to seek forgiveness and make amends. Particularly for those of us who mistakenly believe we are nice most of the time, a dose of reality can be a bitter pill to swallow.

Am I prepared to face my faults? Am I prepared to accept that perhaps I was the cause of the rift and not the other party? Am I prepared to honestly examine my heart, repent, seek forgiveness and extend the branch of friendship once again? I don't know if I'm prepared, but I do know that I need God's grace if I want to try.

So, like the tax collector, all I can do is cry out:

"God, have mercy on me, a sinner".

And through His mercy, I will have the grace to do the things I need to do, to be less like the Pharisee and more like the tax collector.

To those I've wronged, please bear with me. I am a work in progress :)

Love,

Everyone's a critic

2010-10-18T23:49:00.000+11:00

Someone said to me yesterday, "If you don't do (X), then I quit!"

My first instinct, as a human being complete with flaws, was to say "Go ahead, quit!" and then do a little jig around the church. Yes, it sounds bad, but I am human and this wasn't the first time this person has caused me grief. However, as a leader, my job was to set the best possible example for my team (who were watching this exchange), for I can't ask the best of them if I am not giving them my best in the first place. Also, this guy wasn't part of my immediate team, so his departure may have caused a headache for one of my leaders whom I have great respect for, so I could not and would not do that to her.

Sometimes, being a leader is hard work. You can't always say exactly what you're thinking or what you really want to say. Other times, you have to take the hard route (which may involve swallowing your pride and apologising, knowing some people will take that as an invitation to criticise you more) even if it's the last thing on earth you want to do, because it's the right thing to do.

Some days, you just want to throw in the towel and say "I quit!" when leading gets too hard.

I love my team and I try to be as supportive as I can, while still ensuring that we're all performing and giving our best. So why did I feel like dancing at the threat of a team member quitting? My main beef with this particular team member is that he is overly critical. He criticises without care, and often without empathy (very different to constructive critisicm). He criticise without first considering himself and his flaws, and often gets angry and confrontational when he does not get his way. And, to my detriment, I have let his behaviour towards me impact on my peace and happiness. So, what have I learnt from my experience with him?

As a leader, you can count on one thing - you will always be criticised. Always.

Understand that, as a leader, you are a point of focus and an easy target for upset people. By the same token, as a leader, you have a great opportunity to positively influence and guide, by your living example of how you handle critism.

The book of Numbers (Chapter 12) provides us with some guidance on how to handle criticism, particularly when it comes from those you lead.

1. Be humble and open.
2. Face the criticism squarely - no matter how hard or unpleasant that task may be. Look for what you can learn from it and discern the truth beyond the hurt.
3. Be specific about the issue/criticism.
4. Lay out the consequences - for example, if someone is being malicious or unnecesarily critical, make clear to them that they may be relieved of their position temporarily.
5. Pray for those who criticise you - we may not always fully understand the circumstances which have lead to that person's misery or their need to criticise.
6. Restore when appropriate - this gives the team member the opportunity to grow and develop.

If the above doesn't help, then do what my husband has taught me to do - when faced with someone unpleasant, I surrender this person to God (not physically, which is slightly unfortunate) but emotionally, and pray for God to bless them. This way, whilst I may be unable to wish them well, I can ask God to step in for me and bless them until I am able to again.

Love,

2 halves of the same egg

2010-08-22T00:59:00.001+10:00

As I mentioned in my previous post, the night before her final prayers, Aunty M (Adrienne's mum) asked some of us if we would say a few words about Adrienne.

Only a few months before, Adrienne had called me excitedly to tell me she was engaged and we chatted about wedding plans and funny toasts/speeches. I certainly was not expecting to be giving her eulogy instead. At first I declined Aunty M's invitation, but she asked again a few minutes later, saying it would mean a lot to her if I would do her this favour.

Normally comfortable in the limelight, this was one of the hardest things I had ever done. Emotions were high as I listened to my friends share their memories of how they met Adrienne and how she changed their lives and, before I knew it, Pastor Chris was introducing me as Adrienne's best friend. As I walked up onto the little makeshift platform over the koi pond, I prayed for God's grace, that I would be able to keep my composure, that He would guide my words (I had no idea what to say, let alone how to say it) and that He would use my discomfort and fear to bring others to Him.

Looking out into a sea of faces, I drew a deep breath, offered the moment up to God, and felt peace descend as I turned to Adrienne and said what I'm sure most of us were feeling at that time:

"Adrienne, this sucks. You're lying there happy, comfortable in this beautiful air-conditioned room, at peace, while we're left here to pick up the pieces and figure out how to live our lives without you in it. So, again, this sucks!"

Yes, even with God's grace, those were the words that began my eulogy to my best friend. It just goes to show, even God's grace sometimes cannot penetrate through my stubborness! Oh well, I am God's work in progress :)

For those who requested it, here's the rest of my eulogy (or parts that I remember and/or wished I'd said).

Before I begin, I'd like to clarify that Adrienne was not my best friend. She was my sister. We were yin and yang, two halves of the same egg. In fact, I'm sure when we were created, God decided that it would be too hard for one family to handle both of us at the same time, and so we were blessed into two very different families. For all our differences, we were so very similar underneath and, still, unique in our own ways.

I met Adrienne 14 years ago. She was a worldly KL-ite while I, though newly returned from studying in Melbourne, was still a small town girl at heart. She introduced me to friends who I never would have met otherwise, and opened my eyes to recognise the beauty of a man who would one day become my husband. She taught me that I had a right to be loved just as I am and, through who she was, she taught me never to accept anything less than that. She was comfortable in her skin and, through our friendship, I learnt to be comfortable in mine (growing up fat in Malaysia/Singapore doesn't exactly help with developing one's self-confidence).

Adrienne was never one to conform. If there were two paths, one "normal" and one "different", she'd choose the different path (even if it was harder). She went all the way to the US to study theatre (not law or engineering or medicine or commerce, as most Asian kids would), she drove a cantankerous old VW Beetle which she christened "Precious" (it sure lived up to its name!!), she didn't follow in her mother's footsteps and did not appear to be a good Christian girl in form (she smoked, swore and eschewed church groups of any sort).

But, in substance, Adrienne was Christ's light through and through. She looked through all the superficial stuff straight into your heart, and she filled it with love and acceptance. Even if she didn't like what you were doing (and, like me, she had an opinion on everything!), she would separate the behaviour from the person and, in her wisdom, she would accept and love the person through their struggles. She didn't judge and, through her own inimitable way, she loved as God calls us to love - unconditionally, just as He does.

Proof of that was the row of friends seated in the back row. As I looked out at those very same friends (who have now been my friends for 14 years), their eyes red with tears and at my husband, who was smiling encouragingly at me, I realised how very different we all are. If not for Adrienne, I don't know if we would have met or, if we did, we would have become life long friends. Adrienne did that - she drew us together, got us to see each other as we really are, to look past the race or occupation or social background and straight into each other's hearts. She helped each of us through many tough situations. She was our rock, our pillar of strength, the one person you could call on and know that, by hook or crook, she'd be there to hold your hand and be there with you through the situation.

And, for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Adrienne truly was God's faithful servant and, while in our own sorrow we may think her life ended too soon, I think maybe her job here on earth was done, and it was time for her to go home and rest.

But, you know what? She's not really gone. For each life that Adrienne touched, she left a piece behind, and so we all carry a piece of her in our hearts with us. Our job now is to pass on her legacy, to be support pillars for each other, to be loving and non-judgemental in all we do. In this way, Adrienne is still with us. And that is the greatest gift we can give each other.

Adrienne, here is a final song from me to you. Love you, babe.

God's angel

2010-08-21T22:26:00.000+10:00

I remember the day just like it was yesterday.

We had just left the house on Sunday the 6th of June and were heading out for a late lunch in Richmond when the phone rang. The caller ID said "Blocked" so I knew it had to be my mum or dad, and I answered with my usual melodic 'hello'. After a moment of silence, I heard a tearful voice say "Sharon, it's B". I knew B had gone away for the weekend and, immediately, various scenarios starting running through my mind to explain why she was crying: they'd met with an accident, they'd been robbed on the highway...etc.

I said, "Sweetie, what's wrong? Tell me and we'll work it out." What I was not expecting was the words that followed: "Adrienne's dead." she replied.It took a few moments for her words to register, and for me to understand what she was telling me.

My best friend was dead; she'd passed away in her sleep.

The next 36 hours were filled with phone calls to friends to pass the news on, obtaining approval for time off from work, booking our flights home, finishing up work commitments, packing and, finally, boarding the plane. I don't think I slept at all during that time, except for about an hour on the plane. A part of me was eager to get off the plane (it was cramped and crowded) while another part wanted to put off for just a little it longer the sight I was not prepared to see.

The night before her final prayers, Aunty M (Adrienne's mum) asked some of Adrienne's friends if we would say a few words. Listening to what people had to say about her that night really brought home strongly one clear message to me - God's angels come in all shapes and sizes.

In her 30 years on earth, Adrienne touched many lives. Young and old, poor and rich, Christians and Muslims alike. She shared and laughed and loved and cried with her friends and family. Though she was often misunderstood, she strived to understand and always sought to comfort and help. She guided and admonished and, above all else, she loved completely.

She was truly one of God's angels and, having achieved the purpose for which she was put on earth, God brought her home to Him, to live in eternal rest and peace.

Rest in peace, darling, till we meet again, and watch over us.

Adrienne Lim Bee Suan (30 August 1979 - 6 June 2010)

While there's still time...

2010-08-04T00:29:00.000+10:00

Over the past 2 weeks, I have been dreaming more and more of my late grandmother. I think it's slowly starting to hit me that she's gone.

I still remember the night I received the phone call from my dad. It was just under 3 weeks since Malcolm and I had returned to Melbourne after our Christmas break. The last time I'd seen my grandmother before then, she was recovering from a fall she'd suffered on New Year's Day. She was upset at having to be in a wheelchair and was looking forward to regaining her independence. Our last conversation was about us attending my cousin's wedding in March 2011 in India and her hope that she would have a great-grandchild by then.

Around midnight, my mobile rang, and it was my dad calling to let me know that my grandmother had been admitted to hospital a week earlier because she was having difficulty breathing. The night before, the doctors had called her sons to suggest that they come visit her as she may not make it through the night and, after the ensuing shock, my dad called to inform me of her situation.

After a couple of days of debating with my dad about whether to go home or not (my dad being of the opinion there was no reason for us to return home as she was improving daily), we decided to fly home so that we could spend some time with her. After all, what good is it to visit someone at their wake? It makes much more sense to spend time with the living.

The sight that greeted us when we walked into the ICU will be one that I won't be forgetting anytime soon: she was lying in bed, in a farily large room, with machines on either side of her. She was hooked up to a machine that was helping her breathe (complete with "darth vader" like mask) and she had a variety of tubes inserted into various parts of her body. It was a shock to see my grandmother lying there so frail, almost swallowed by the bed, when my memories of her have always been of a strong lady, always looking to go gallavanting.

Our routine over the next few days was to wake up, have breakfast and then head over to the hospital to spend some time with her during the lunchtime visiting hours, after which various family members would gather in the waiting room to chat or sit in silence, adjourning to a nearby restaurant (or the hotel) or mamak for lunch, going for a walk in a nearby shopping centre, running errands, or returning home for a quick nap, before heading back to the hospital in the evening to spend more time with my grandmother again. It was such a blessing to be able to speak with her and hear her laugh, to pray with her (she wanted us to pray the rosary, as she snoozed in and out of the various decades/mysteris) and to have those precious last days with her.

As her condition stabilised over the days, Malcolm and I decided to return home to JB to spend a few days with my mum and our beloved pets (and 6 newborn puppies!). We returned to KL on Friday, eager to see her again (with the hope that her condition had improved further) only to find that she was now fully sedated as her condition had worsened over the few days. It broke my heart to hear from my dad that she had been asking for me while I was away. When I walked into that ICU room on Friday evening, I knew that the time had come to let her go safely and peacefully on her way. She was in a position that she never wanted to be in - feeble, bedridden and dependent on others. At that point, she was completely sedated and I don't know if she had any awareness of her surroundings or visitors. It was time to let my grandmother go.

At this point in time, a machine was effectively keeping her alive. She knew the decision to turn off the machines would be too hard for her sons to make, and so she gave them her final gift. My grandmother left this world on the night of February the 13th, 2010, on her terms, surrounded by her family and loved ones.

There will be more to come but, for now, I'd like to leave you with this thought.

Are your thoughts filled with 'tomorrows'? I'll get around to it tomorrow, I'll call mum tomorrow, I'll pursue that dream tomorrow, I'll hit the gym tomorrow... the list goes on.

When my grandmother thought of her grandchildren (who are scattered in different parts of the world), she would text us or call us just to say hi. If she wanted you to visit her, it had to be today, not tomorrow or next week. She would often call her family or friends when she thought of them (not 'tomorrow', or when she was less busy) and would always make time to be with her sisters.

In trying to fit everything into our busy schedules, we can sometimes forget the things that should be the most important to us. Like making time to read the bible or pray every morning, or calling your mother because you know she'd love to hear from you, or getting on that treadmill before its too late.

Instead, we leave it for tomorrow.

What happens if tomorrow never comes?

Love,

Some journeys are hard...

2010-05-25T00:28:00.000+10:00

It has been a while since I last updated my blog and, for those who enjoy reading the posts, I extend my sincere apologies.

As most of you are aware, my grandmother (whom I loved deeply) passed away on 13 February 2010, having been blessed to have spent 91 years on this earth. By God's grace and timing, my husband and I were able to see her and spend time with her before she slipped away and, for those precious moments, we will be eternally grateful.

Unfortunately, as can happen when there is grief and helplessness,things were said and done that, perhaps, may not have been said or done, and feelings were hurt (perhaps more than they should have been) had there not been this underlying grief blinding our hearts to truth and compassion.

However, what was done, was done.

And now, it is time to pick up the pieces.

But how? How do you pick up the pieces when people you love say things that hurt, and don't realise or don't care that they've hurt you? How do you deal with expectations that go against your moral values and all that your faith teaches you to hold dear? How do you love someone who has deliberately hurt you and those you love, for reasons which you cannot understand? How do you trust those who take sides without knowing the whole truth and, worse, without even caring to find out the whole truth? How can you look forward and see reconciliation when all you see is the hurt that has been caused by the careless actions of those with selfish intentions?

How do I forgive?

I thought I had forgiven; I thought I had let go. Apparently, I was kidding myself. Like the yellow gerbera above, I have let the things that happened deflate me on the inside and, as a flower wilts on the outside as it dehydrates on the inside, I have found it harder and harder over the last few months to remain cheerful on the outside and pick myself up off the floor each day.

But, God's grace is amazing and, like the wire that is threaded through the heads of flowers to keep them standing tall and cheerful, His grace has helped me to lift my spirits ever so slightly, just enough for me to know that this hurt will come to pass and, one day, I will be able to forgive and maybe even love them again.

In the meantime, I will come back to writing by His grace, and I hope that, through the coming posts, you too will come to forgive and let go of anything that has been hurting you and keeping you down.

So, today, I would like to share with you the first step in this journey, which my priest has kindly shared with me, in his wisdom.

Every morning, when I wake up, I offer Jesus my nails; my suffering, my pain, my tears from all that has happened. I surrender these people to God and I pray for each of them. I pray that they will be healthy and happy, that they will have a good day, and I pray the God will bless them. It doesn't matter that I may not mean it, I keep saying it anyway. And day by day, in tiny little doses, I can feel my hurt slowly melting away.

Love,

Delhi Lesson #3: There's always time for gratitude

2010-03-31T01:21:00.038+11:00

"If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is "Thank You", it will be enough." - Meister Eckhart

The city of Delhi, once you get past the pollution, is beautiful and rich in history. From the beautiful architecture of the Qutub Minar, to the memory of sacrifice embodied by India Gatel from the violence of wars and invasion to the depth of undying love immortalised in the Taj Mahal; from the everyday life on the streets to the opulence of the Oberoi, Delhi is a city of culture, history and contradictions.

But no matter where we were in Delhi, there was always one common confronting image - the pverty. Everywhere we went, we saw beggars; some seated by the roadside asking for money, children singing or dancing around cars stopped at traffic lights, hoping to get paid for the entertainment they provide, and yet others displaying their injuries or disabilitys in the hope of gaining some sympathy and maybe a handout.

Interestingly enough, what struck me was the happiness I often saw in the midst of the poverty.

An example of this is a young girl who was doing cartwheels to earn a bit of money at the traffic lights. Having been warned by our tour guide not to wind down our windows and give them any money, lest we be swarmed by people, all we could do was smile encouragingly and clap our hands as she executed turn after beautiful turn. Even when she realised she wasn't going to get any money from us, she continued to entertain until the lights turned green and waved us off as we drove away, smiling widely.

What joy there was on her face, this little vagabond of a girl, with unruly hair, bare feet, a threadbare dress and the most glorious smile lighting up her fact as she danced and cartwheeled by the side of that road.

The time we spent in Delhi brought hom to me, in such a powerful way, the mssage that we always have something to be grateful for, regardless of the circumstances we stand in. No doubt things may seem impossible to overcome now, but holding on in faith, knowing that things will get better, and recognising that we are already so blessed and have so much to be grateful for will help us weather the storm, until the sun comes out again.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving me a family who love and accept me as I am, for giving me the freedom to choose my life partner, for not having to worry about where my next meal is coming from or whether I will make the mortgage payment this month; for being able to walk around safely at night, not having to be overly worried about being robbed or worse; for having access to clean water and fresh food... and thank you for the trials and sorrows, which remind me to be grateful for all I have.

Delhi Lesson #2: When travelling, look straight ahead

2010-03-30T01:32:00.009+11:00

I think it's about time for the next instalment in the Delhi Lessons series :)

One of the things you notice in Delhi is the amount of traffic on the roads. Many different kids of vehicles share the roads - traditional vehicles such as cars and motorcycles, larger vehicles like buses and lorries, autos (a unique three-wheeled taxi) and other non-traditional vehicles such as bullock-carts and tractors overladen with people. Throw in an ocassional lazing cow and it makes for interesting driving!

Our first night driving from the airport back to hotel was an experience I won't be forgetting in the near future. We merged onto the main highway and, all of a sudden, we were surrounded by lorries and cars beeping their horns and zooming past us and autos weaving in and out of traffic. It appeared like absolute chaos to me! But the driver seemed oblivious to it all.

When turning left onto a main road, our driver would drive straight on to the road, and traffic would automatically change lanes to accomodate him, with no hassles or sudden braking or the swearing/road rage that you normally see on the roads (especially in Melbourne or KL!). That drive from the airport had me alternating between staring out the window in horror, thinking we were going to be hit by another vehicle, and closing my eyes, praying for either a quick and painless death, or for us to arrive safely at our hotel!

The next day, between praying and staring out the window, I decided to observe our driver. He looked cool and calm and didn't seem to notice (or be bothered by) the chaos around him. Instead, he kept his eyes firmly in front, and concentrated on avoiding the traffic in front of him. Likewise, I noticed that the vehicles behind us seemed to concentrate on avoiding us. So, when we changed lanes, vehicles behind us just accomodated us and weaved in a different direction and those next to us just seemed oblivious to us wandering into their lanes - they just went on their merry way (well, as merry as you can be in that traffic and heat!).

So, what's the lesson?

Well, have you ever started a project, only to get distracted halfway and abandon it? Like me, do you have half finished cross-stitch projects or DIY ideas, or a to-do list that seems mnore like a revolving door?

Too often, it is easy to get caught up with all that is going on around us. We start off with the best intentions, but then we get distracted as everyday life gets in the way. We think, "I'll pick this up again tomorrow" or There's always next weekend" and, before you know it, a year's gone by and it's still not done. But, we've been busy! How can this be?

One of things I have started to do this year is re-evaluate my priorities - i.e. determining what cannot be compromised (family, health & spiritual development), what would be nice to achieve, what I can do without. Sorting out the important from the urgent will help place, front and centre, that which is important to me. I then place these priorities (written down on little post it notes) in places where I will see them, to remind me everyday what I need to focus on.

Ephesians 5:15-17 - "Be very careful then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity...therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

Bring the rain

2010-03-12T00:32:00.000+11:00

We're about two weeks away from the finishing up the first quarter of 2010, and boy has it been a cracker of a start to the year!

With all that has been going on in my life, I have come to realise that by relying more on God and less on me during these times, it gets a little easier to face each day.

So, until I get back into writing regularly (one of my resolutions for 2010), here are the lyrics to Bring The Rain (by MercyMe) a beautiful song that gives me strength to face each day and praise through my circumstances. Enjoy :)

I can count a million times
People asking me how I can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed, long before these rainy days
It's never really crossed my mind to turn my back on You, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain
But it that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of the dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me by suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain
But it that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

If it's to be, it's up to me

2010-02-04T02:26:00.000+11:00

Have you heard this saying before? I recall hearing it a few times and I must admit I like the thought of having some control over my life. And yet, I sometimes struggle to reconcile this with surrendering all control to God.

How can I surrender control over to God and yet still retain control over my life?

For me, the distinction is best illustrated by this story I came across years ago:

Sam was in dire trouble. His business had gone bust and he was in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate he decided to pray for help. He began, "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery."

Lottery night came and Sam didn't win. Again Sam prays, "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Sam still has no luck. Once again, he prays, "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.

Sam is confront by the voice of God Himself: "Sam," says God, "meet Me halfway on this. Buy a bloody ticket!"

How often have you forgotten to buy the lottery ticket?

I often hear the phrase "it wasn't meant to be", or "obviously, that was not part of God's plan" uttered when something hasn't happened as someone has hoped, when things don't go to plan, or when the unexpected happens. Heaven knows, I've used it myself on occasion too. While there are exceptions, what I've often found is that it's not a case of "wasn;'t meant to be", rather we just didn't do what we needed to do to get where we wanted to go.

Psalm 37:3-4 says "Trust in the Lord, and do good... and He shall give you the desires of your heart!"

Note the words "and do good"; it does not say "and do nothing"! Clearly, we are called to do our part, and then trust God to do His part. Having good intentions and inspiring goals are only part of the package; we need to be doers and not talkers, i.e. we need to be doing our part to bring about the fulfilment of those goals and desires which God has placed in our hearts. James writes.."faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." (James 2:17).

So, we believe, we do our best, and then we let God take care of the rest.

Love,

Actions v. Results

2010-02-01T01:39:00.001+11:00

Today's readings (Jeremiah 1:4-5,17-19; 1 Corinthians 12:31-13:3; and Luke 4:21-30) are about concerning ourselves with our actions, rather than the results (or non-results, as the case may be).

This might sound strange in our world today, where we are measured by our results and not our efforts, where the emphasis is not how much you have invested in a project (i.e long hours, time away from family, etc), but rather on the end result, where the means are not important as long as the end is achieved.

God calls us to do the opposite: to do His will and not worry about the results.

For an example of this distinction, see this story I posted a while ago called "Moving the Rock".

This distinction is close to my heart especially when I'm leading praise and worship. There are days when the ministry comes together and we're on fire during practice time - everyone's brought their "A" game, we're all having fun and a beautiful united sound rises forth.

But, come praise time, the mood slowly dips as we face a congregation that just sits there in the pews, happy to watch but not wanting to get involved in singing and praising, arms crossed protectively over their chests, unreadable looks on their faces.We find our unity slipping, the group's energy levels start to sag, and overall our praise time is nowhere near the highs of our practice an hour before.

What happened?

We got too concerned with whether people were responding; we were worried about the results of our praise ministry instead of just concentrating on praising Him. We forgot that our calling was to form a praise ministry, i.e. to sing and dance and praise our God, not to ensure people praised along with us.

He called us to praise. Full stop. Nothing more, nothing less, just to praise with all our hearts and all our talents.

At no point did he say our calling was to make sure the church praises with us; we were never going to be judged by how many people sang along with us or how full the church was.

Sometimes, God calls us to do things and instead of just obeying, we put expectations on ourselves that far exceed the task God set for us. This can be dangerous because, when we fail to meet those expections we think He has of us, we have a tendency to conclude that we're failed, that we're no good, or we're not worthy of God's love or, worse, we lose our faith in God.

So nowadays, when we pray before praise time, we pray that nothing will distract us from praising with all our hearts, regardless of who else is or isn't praising with us. We leave that part up to God.

Love,

When you feel you can't go on..

2010-02-01T00:05:00.000+11:00

When I feel like I can't go on, this story helps remind me that life is journey and whatever troubles I am facing will come to pass.

THE FERN AND THE BAMBOO - AUTHOR UNKNOWN

One day I decided to quit.

I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality. I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me...

"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied.

"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I also took care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water.

The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Nothing came from the bamboo seed, yet, I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo".

He said. "In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. However, I did not quit.

In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. Nevertheless, I would not quit.

He said. "Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.

Just 6 months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent those five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me, "Did you know, My Child, that alll this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?"

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others."

He said, "The bamboo has a different purpose than the fern, yet they both make the forest beautiful."

Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high!"

"How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can?" I questioned."Yes" He said.

"Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

Delhi Lesson #1: Do not ask random strangers for directions

2009-11-09T02:53:00.000+11:00

While in Delhi, we stayed in an area known as the Defence Colony.

According to our drivers, this area is considered an affluent colony, whose residents are primarily rich ("old money") people, sports celebrities or white expats. Judging by the cars and houses we saw while driving aimlessly around the area (read: lost!) I would have to agree with their comments.

But, for all the riches in the neighbourhood, they couldn't come up with a logical pattern for numbering the houses and streets (I couldn't find one!), so we often found ourselves (or, rather, our drivers) stopping to ask random guards (most of the houses has 24/7 security guards posted outside their houses) for directions.

After the first couple of days, we learnt an important lesson: you will always get an answer to your question; but it may not be the right answer! We never once found someone who said "I don't know": instead, they would stand there, scratch their heads, think about it for a while - by this point in time it was crystal clear that they had absolutely no clue where we wanted to go.

After all this, they would point us in some random direction, which was invariably in the opposite direction to where the person immediately before them had pointed us in!

Reflecting on this later on that night (after we finally got home!), I realised that, in a way, I've often stopped to ask random strangers for directions, in my quest for happiness or peace or contentment or approval. There are times when I've looked at someone else and thought, "she looks like she's happy; is it because her husband has a good job, or because she comes from a rich family, or because she's still single, or maybe because she has the house/car/job I want?" Or, I've looked at someone who appears to be popular and well liked and thought, "Gee, maybe if I'm more like him, I'll fit in better."

Other times, I've asked others what their secret to happiness is and, in return, I've received many suggestions, such as:

get a good job and climb the corporate ladder by working long hours
make sure you're always on your best behaviour in front of your boss (when they're not around, its ok to go out for long lunches, etc.)
earn lots of money, whichyou can then use to buy all the material things you need to be happy (like a nice house, cars, jewellery, etc)
accept bad behaviour - it's normal to be bitchy in the corporate world
always follow the crowd - do not display your faith, better to fit in and be accepted
close one eye if your husband plays around, as long as he supports you and provides for your household (what?!)
if you're getting what you need in your de facto relationship, why get married? it only complicates things
going out and getting drunk is a great way to spend the weekend recovering from work
agree with everyone - it keeps them happy
it is ok to lie to someone, if the truth will hurt them (or yourself).

Interesting, isn't it? Judging from some of the responses above, it doesn't seem like they know how to get to happiness either!!

The problem with looking at someone else and emulating them in the hopes of finding happiness is that we start off with the assumption that the other person is happy, which may not be the case. Fitting in is also not always the best option, if it means compromising on our own values and beliefs.

My time in Delhi reminded me of a truth in my life: my happiness cannot be found in a career or material things (although these help, of course). To find true happiness, I have to keep my faith and my God first and foremost in my life. In doing so, I find my happiness in knowing that I am loved unconditionally just as I am, by my heavenly Father. My contentment is in knowing that, through some amazing miracle, I am loved unconditionally by my husband, my family and close friends. As for approval, I am learning to look for this internally rather than externally.

This is not to say that I am totally happy or content with my life, far from it. But I know whom I'm going to for directions - the one who is already at my destination, awaiting my arrival.

I'll end this post with a tweet I read a few months back:

"Worried about the future? Speak to Jesus, He's already there!"

A breath of Delhi

2009-10-28T02:01:00.000+11:00

So, we're in Delhi for my cousin's wedding.

It's my first trip to India and I'm loving it (and slowly getting over the culture shock). The people are so friendly (we have the use of 2 private cars with really nice drivers), the traffic is utter chaos, the dust has it's own layer of dust, and there exists two worlds: those with servants and chauffeurs and money, and those with nothing. The poverty and inequality here is confronting and sobering; a timely reminder to be grateful for all I have.

It's exciting, exploring a new place and learning the history of one of the oldest cultures on earth. It is humbling to drive past the city gates, which have stood the test of time for more than 400 years, and to hear the stories of people who fought for the freedom they believed in.

We have been feasting on masala tea (a yummy mix of spices, hot milk and tea), pooris, dosas, lam briyani and, my personal favourite, dahi vada. I am sure I'm going to pay for this when I'm back in Melbourne!!

There are lessons to be learnt, as always, so look out for the next series of posts: Lessons from Delhi.

Namaste.

Kind Words

2009-08-20T23:20:00.003+10:00

(Author unknown)

One day, a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignement and, as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday, she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were some of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and with one another.

That group of students moved on. Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student.

She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one, those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, on of the soldiers, who acted as a pallbearer, came up to her.

"Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked.

She nodded: "Yes."

Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notepaper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times.

The teacher knew, without looking, that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmaters started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."

Then Vickie, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vickie said and, without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

Smooth talking

2009-08-20T20:02:00.014+10:00

How do you speak to your friends and loved ones?

Many conversations nowadays are peppered with sarcasm, vulgarities and, my personal pet peeve, the phrase "Shut up". I am not advocating eavesdropping but, the next time you are in waiting in line or seated at a cafe, have a listen to the conversations around you. You'd be forgiven for thinking that friends hate each other when they refer to one another as bitches and dogs, or tell each other to shut up, yet today this seems to be an acceptable way to greet one another.

I am guilty of using sarcasm in conversation, sometimes thinking that I am contributing a witty comment, but mostly to solicit laughter. I am working on eliminating sarcasm from my thoughts and words; it's an ongoing process :)

Sarcasm, while sometimes funny, can be a powerful weapon when used to hurt someone. In my younger days, I often used sarcasm to cover up hurt I may have been feeling, and often had little understanding of the hurt I was causing others by my choice of words.

Words are an amazing gift. They can be used to build people up or break them down. Contrary to the old adage "'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me", encouraging words can be a source of strength to someone in need of support, while hurtful words can stay with a person forever.

(For an illustration of the power of words, click here to read "Kind Words")

Do you always think before you speak?

Paul says to us in Colossians 4:6 - "Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person."

Are you aware of your choice of words and their potential impact? Are you sensitive to the person you are speaking to, and the circumstances that they may be in? Do you know when someone needs comfort rather than solutions, or an encouraging word, rather than a diatribe of all the things they are doing wrong?

I don't always get it right, and there are many times I should have listened instead of speaking, when a hug and edification would have been more appropriate than an answer to their problems.

That is why it is important to think before we speak. Consider your words and the situation at hand, and ask God for the wisdom to know what to say and when to say, for timing can be just as important as the words themselves.

And so I pray: Lord, please grant me the wisdom to speak in love and truth, to never seek to hurt another with my words, and to know when to be quiet and listen.

P/s: when you tell someone to "shut up", even in jest, you are saying to them that their opinion is not important. If you are engaged in a conversation with someone, please respect the fact that both people have a right to participate and both opinions have a right to be heard. If you want to be the only one speaking, get a box, pick a corner in a park, and enjoy yourself.

Commandments #9 & #10: You shall not covet

2009-08-16T03:45:00.002+10:00

I've combined the last two commandments as they basically deal with the sin of coveting: desiring or craving, sometimes in an excessive way, what another person has. It is an immoral longing for something which is not rightfully ours (maybe because it belongs to someone else or it is more than our fair share).

This commandment is directed straight at the purity of our hearts.

Why is the state of our hearts so important spiritually?

Matthew 15:19 says: "For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." - (Notice that all the other commandments specifically dealt with each of these.)

Everything starts in our hearts and in our thoughts. Adultery begins when you first look at a person and lustfully wonder what it would be like to spend a night with them. Jealousy begins when you first see your neighbour drive home in his new car, and you wonder where he got the money to buy the new car and imagine how much better you would look behind the wheel. Envy and malice begin when a friend excitedly shares news of a promotion at work, and you immediately assume she must have slept with her boss to get the promotion.

So why do we do this? Well, for the most part, human beings are selfish creatures. We seek to put ourselves first, often at the expense of others. As you can see, being selfish can lead to a whole host of sins: murder, theft, adultery and lying, just to name a few. It starts with a desire or a thought, which can become an obsession and, before you know, you're acting on it.

One of the reasons for the current global economic crisis is pure, unadulterated greed. Since when did it become acceptable (encouraged, in some cases) to want to be rich without working for it, or to receive something for nothing? Advertising is all about making you want something you don't really need, which we buy into just to keep up with your peers. We're sold lifestyles we can't afford, which we then fund through our credit cards, spending money we don't really have, all because we covet things that those around us enjoy. We buy lottery tickets in the hope that we will strike it rich, we gamble away our hard earned money in casinos, thinking that we'll win big one day.

I think the main danger of coveting is that we may become guilty of idoltry: where we covet an object or a person so much we put that above our relationship with God; where we seek earthly pleasures first.

In Luke 12:15 Jesus says, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions."

Instead, we are called to have faith that God will provide for all our needs, as we read in Hebrews 13:15, "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

So, what do you treasure?

Matthew 6:21 says: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

We need to make sure that the desires of our hearts are pointed in the right direction. This verse from a song I love best illustrates this:

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness,
And all these things shall be added unto you, Allelu Alleluia"

My friends, this does not mean that we cannot have high ambitions, whether it be related to work or wealth or relationship. If our purpose is to help others and be useful in this world, I believe that God will bless our endeavours and, through the Holy Spirit, will guide us down the right paths.

The bottom line is that we need to be focused on being of service to others, and not on coveting what they have and seeking it for ourselves. As we read in Acts 20:35, Jesus says "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

And so I pray, Lord help me not to covet that which I do not have, but to rejoice for the blessings my friends and I have received, and to be grateful for all I have.

Commandment #8: You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour

2009-08-16T02:45:00.002+10:00

"Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!"

As a kid, my friends and I used to say this to one another in the playground, whenever we thought another kid was fibbing. I don't know the origin of this phrase, but I assume the "pants on fire" part alludes to the fact that lying is naughty and, once caught, a child would be spanked on the bottom - hence pants on fire.

Lying seems to have become an accepted part of life. People routinely balance the risk of getting caught versus the benefits of lying. The temptation to lie abounds: lying provides us with a quick and easy way to get out of feeling embarassed or guilty; it gives us an easy way to avoid dealing with the consequences of our actions; sometimes it even gives us an advantge over others.

I think it has to do with self-preservation. We avoid things we fear or things that hurt us and, for most of us, we are drawn to things or actions that build us up in the eyes of others.

For example, have you ever justified lying to a loved one by saying "the truth will only hurt them, so I'm really being kind by telling them a lie instead" or by saying "it's only a little white lie"? Have you given an excuse about being late,saying it was a traffic when you actually woke up late or got distracted by a show on tv? Or maybe you have "creatively edited" your resume to get that job that you really, really want?

Those are obvious examples of lying, but have you considered these: boasting about things you haven't accomplished to impress a new friend or potential business associate? Sharing some unfavourable gossip with a friend (which you have not verified)? Deliberately sharing untruths about a friend to another friend, to enable false judgements to be made? Omitting details from a conversation, so as to cause the other person to come to a conclusion that is not entirely correct?

I am ashamed to say I have been guilty of lying many times in the past and I always feel very guilty and remorseful afterwards and I promise never to do it again. But the next time I am faced with the choice of telling the truth or suffering the consequences, the struggle begins again. However, with each struggle, choosing the truth becomes easier.

How important is it for us to tell the truth?

The answer can be found in Proverbs 12:22 -"The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in men who are truthful."

God is the source of truth and, as His children, truth is expected to permeate every facet of our lives.

Every day, we face a fundamental choice: do we choose to follow God's example and tell the truth or do we choose the way of the world? Learning to be consistently truthful is not an easy task, especially when we are pre-disposed to lying and people all around us are lying too. This is why it's important that we seek God's help in changing our hearts and ask Him to give us the strength to cling to His ways of truth.

So, which way will you choose today?

Commandment #7: You shall not steal

2009-08-12T02:00:00.002+10:00

Does greed motivate your choices?

When I first heard this commandment, I thought to myself: "Gee, I'm not supposed to steal? Man, there goes my career aspirations as a cat burglar!"

Ok, I didn't really think that, but it's easy to miss the underlying principle of this commandment.

Firstly, there are many different ways to steal (it's not just holding someone up at knifepoint, or creeping into a dark house and rifling through drawers, which was the image I had in my head).

For example, have you ever:

received more change than you should have, and pocketed the difference?
slacked off and enjoyed a long lunches when your employer wasn't in the office?
under-declared your income or over-inflated your expenses in your income tax return?
been the victim of false advertising by a manufacturer of goods?
charged more hours for a piece of work than you actually invested in completing it?

These are all examples of stealing, albeit indirect acts. Just some food for thought.

Coming back to the question I opened with: does greed motivate your choices?

Do our actions reflect an emphasis on acquiring things, whether material (houses, fancy cars, the latest gadgets) or intangible (fame, power or popularity)? Or are we living our lives based on God's approach of giving in love?

I believe God wants us to prosper; after all, He is a God of Love, and wants only the best for us.
But we are not to get so caught up in the pursuit of material things that we forget that our purpose is much, much greater than the mere accumulation of things

Matthew 6:25-33 confirms this by directing us to seek God's purpose in our life, first and foremost, above all other things: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than cloths? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ..So, do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and al these things will be given to you as well."

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being wealthy (bring on the riches!), but we are called to make sure firstly, that we go about accumulating those riches in the right way, and secondly, that we use all we have accumulated to fulfil God's purpose in our lives.

This commandment is about changing our mindset: turning our focus from receiving to giving.

For all that we have been blessed with, have we in turn blessed others?

I will leave you with this: "Give, and it will given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." - Luke 6:38

Commandment #6: You shall not commit adultery

2009-08-11T23:15:00.000+10:00

The term adultery is generally understood to mean the voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and another person who is not his or her spouse.

Commonly known as: cheating.

Our culture today is permeated by adultery/cheating. It is not uncommon to hear that someone's husband has cheated on her, or that a girlfriend is "seeing" a married man. (Note: doesn't marriage automatically take you out of the dating market? I thought that made married people invisible or off-limits!)

We hear of people in positions of power and respect within their communities who have mistresses, and we often brush this off saying, "As long as he's doing his job right". Recall the infamous Bill Clinton saga?

What example are we setting when we accept adultery, when we say it is ok to disrespect our partner, the person to whom we have chosen to make a commitment?

To understand the basis for adultery, we need to understand that God intended for sex to be enjoyed within the sanctity of marriage: "Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother, and will join with his wife, and they will be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Thus, the idea is that they can't be separated so that the man can go off and be one flesh with someone else!

Of course, in this modern age of instant gratification, compelling people to refrain from having sex before marriage (while a noble cause) is sort of like locking the barn door after the horse is gone.

Instead, I think this commandment applies to all relationships, not just marriages.

If we're in a relationship with someone, we should be committed to that person alone, and not keep an eye out for a better offer to come along (or worse, go out looking for a bit of "fun on the side"). And if we're going to share our body and heart with someone, maybe giving it a little time before jumping headlong into bed might help us remember the precious gift we are sharing with our partner, and actually treat it as a gift (rather than an item at the 2 dollar store!).

Some people say, "Who cares? It's only sex".

Yes, in the heat of the moment, it may be "only sex", but adultery ruins lives. Adultery often causes the breakdown of relationships and hurts not only the partner being cheated on but their family and community, for whom they may be role models. Children from broken homes often grow up in families where there is distrust and disrespect, and are denied a loving stable home in which to develop their own characters.

And what does it say about our own integrity, if we make a commitment and then don't keep it?

So, my friends, if you're in a relationship, I encourage you to re-affirm your commitment to your partner or spouse today and everyday, that they will be your one and only.

And if you are single, I encourage you to take your time in finding your partner and, when you do, I pray that the exclusive gift you share with each other will be respected and loved and cherished as God intended.

Commandment #5: You shall not kill

2009-08-03T02:27:00.002+10:00

Life is a precious gift, from God to us.

And yet, if you look at society today, you would be forgiven if you believed otherwise. We live in a world where human life is treated with such indifference:

news headlines sensationalise violent murders: someone was stabbed in a stairwell, or shot dead in a drive-by shooting; snatch-thieves leaving people for dead; husbands beating their wives to death; children being raped and murdered - all these make front page news
movies sensationalise violence and rake in big bucks at the box office
wars are declared in the name of freedom - and the thousands who die are treated as collateral damage
unwanted pregnancies are terminated - with some viewing abortion as a solution to an inconvenient pregnancy (being an unexpected consequence of sexual activity)
suicides (especially recently during the global economic crisis).

God has given us our life, and we are made in His image (see Genesis 1:26).

Job 12:10 says "In [God's] hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind"

Although God gives us life, He remains Master over it; we are merely given stewardship over our life, ownership of our lives remains with God. Hence, we cannot take our lives, or the lives of other human beings; that right belongs solely to our Creator.

While the literal interpretation of this commandment is fairly easy to understand, I think this commandment goes much deeper than the taking of a life.

Jesus said: "You have heard how it was said to our ancestors, You shall not kill; and if anyone does kill he must answer for it before the court. But I say this you, anyone who is angry with a brother will answer for it before the court.." (Matthew 5:21-22)

Jesus expanded the meaning of "kill" to bring in mental or emotional warfare: feelings of hostility, animosity, comtempt or hate are all intended to bring suffering onto our fellow human being. Likewise, using words (whether verbally or on paper) to attack another and damage their respectability or reputation also wrong. And yet, this happens everyday, in conversations around the water cooler at work, in a quick catch-up between friends over lunch, via anonymous emails, in headlines plastered across tabloid magazines eagerly devoured by their readers. What am I referring to?

Gossip.

Another commonplace occurance of this commandment being broken is when we cause others to do wrong; for example, leaders who make rules encouranging fraud (some financial "gurus" would fall into this catergory, I think!) or law-makers who turn public opinion away from moral values, behaviour which can cause irreparable harm to a person's soul. Never thought of it that way, did you?

What about drink-driving, or driving while on drugs? If you make the decision to drive while under the influence of alcohol, drugs or, in the case of reckless driving, stupidity and, as a result of that decision, you cause the death of another person, are you not guilty of breaking this commandment? What about drug-traffickers, or those who encourage excessive consumption of alcohol? Are they not partly responsible for the lives they are impacting, or can we brush it off by saying "it's just business"? What do you think?

So, what about when we're on the receiving end of these actions?

Sometimes, when people have hurt us, it is natural human behaviour to want retaliation (hence the wars and fighting and often senseless violence). We need revenge to equal things out, to make us even. Honour killings are an extreme example of this, but what about the times we've thought about making the other person "pay" for what they've done to us? When we've justified an action by saying "she did it first" or "what I did to him was not half as bad as what he did to me"?

Romans 12:17-19 says: "Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord."

We are called to hold ourselves to a higher standard. Instead of retaliating against those who have attacked us (verbally) or resent us, we are encouraged to set an example of love and treat those who mistreat with respect and love, and to live in peace and harmony with them.

I guess, at the heart of things, we are called to be a love-filled people and, as such, we should seek to build relationships, even with those we call enemies. For me, I'm taking this one day at a time.

Commandment #4: Honour your father and your mother

2009-08-01T01:10:00.001+10:00

This commandment is the first of 5 which govern our relationship with those around us. They are pretty straight-forward; however, given man's propensity to complicate things, perhaps we should go through them anyway.

We know from scripture that our loving Father desires to be in a relationship with us. He is the ultimate parent and we are called to honour him. But how do we learn to be in this relationship with him?

Ah, now that's where our parents come in. God calls us to love others, as He loves us. In the same manner, as our parents are loved as God's children, so too are they called to love us, their children.

Note: Yes, it is a bit like Chinese whispers, and the message can get lost along the way, which is why we also have a direct relationship with God, so that everyone has the opportunity to embrace and live within the warmth of unconditional love.

Need another reason to honour our parents? How about this: our parents gave us life. Without them, we wouldn't be here.

This commandment shows us where the fundamentals of respect and honour are learned: it all begins at home. By honouring our fathers and mothers, we are learning to respect their experiences and allow them to mentor us. We learn to submit to authority, which is a good thing to learn if we are to be obedient to God's will. We also learn to respect proper traditions and laws.

Romans 12:10 says: "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves." Learning honour and respect when you are young is one of the key foundations to living out our faith as we grow and mature.

I think this commandment extends past our parents and calls us to honour all our elders (and those who exercise authority over us, for example our teachers, employers, governing authorities, etc.).

So why has God specifically called us to honour our parents?

I think God places the primary responsibility for teaching a child right from wrong squarely on the shoulders of the parents (and provides them with the guidance and grace they need to complete this task). How well the parents discharge this responsibility is dependent on how well they submit to God's instructions, and how well they show their love and respect for him. Children, after all, learn best from the examples around them.

So, if you are parent, remember that you are a child too: of your parents and of God. Are you honouring them as you should? What example are you setting for your children?

A little bit of me

A while back, I volunteered at a retirement home, spending a few days each week talking to the residents, listening to their stories, reading to them and keeping them company as they enjoyed a meal. These residents were not ill, nor did they require full time care. They just needed a bit more care and attention than normal, now that they were getting on in their years.

What saddened me was the number of residents (all were between the ages of 70 and 95) who had living children and grandchildren who lived not too far away, but were too busy to visit. I am not judging these people, as I have not walked in their circumstances.

But, I would have to ask: what could you possibly be so busy doing that you cannot find the time to visit and spend time with the people that gave you life, who worked hard to support you and feed you and keep you clothed, who endured many sleepless nights worrying about the fever that was keeping you awake, who cried real tears as you broke their hearts with your unkind words or careless contempt for their un-cool ways, who wore proud smiles when you graduated and went off to make a life of your own?

My parents live 3000 miles away from me, in another country, and I pray everyday that they are kept safe and sound as they go about their lives. They are blessed and currently enjoy independent lives filled with close friends and family and a strong support network. However, I know that the day will come when they will no longer be able to live as independently as they would like. They will need care and support, much like a child depends on his/her parents to meet their needs; the roles will be reversed.

And so I pray: Lord, when that day comes, help me to honour my father and my mother and put their needs before mine, as they have done for me every day of my life, that they may know how much I love them, and how grateful I am for all they have given me. Amen.

Commandment #3: Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy

2009-07-31T07:07:00.000+10:00

"In six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them, but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the LORD has blessed the sabbath day and made it holy." Exodus 20:11

I would think, after working for six days straight creating heaven and earth, anyone would need a rest!

But seriously, what does this commandment mean?

For some of my Christian friends, it means that they do not work on the sabbath (which they interpret to be Saturdays), for some of our Orthodox Jewish brethren it means the absence of all "creation" (as creation was God's "work") - for example, they will not drive to the synagogue as the starting of a car's engine goes against this concept, and will instead walk long distances, if necessary. For Catholics, it may mean going to mass on Sunday or the doing of charitable works.

Deutronomy 5:15 states: "Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day."

For me, I've always understood the Sabbath to be a day to call to mind all I've been blessed with (just as the Israelites were called to remember their salvation from Egypt), and to give praise and thanks to God for all He's done for me and for His presence in my life. It is a day of rest and refreshment, a day to be renewed and re-filled with God's abundant grace.

"On Sundays and other holy days of obligation, the faithful are to refrain from engaging in work or activities that hinder the worship owed to God, the joy proper to the Lord's Day, the performance of the works of mercy, and the appropriate relaxation of mind and body." - para 2185 of the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

In simple terms, for one day in a week, God is asking us to cease from carrying out our usual duties of work/labour, and to concentrate our efforts on resting and reflecting on His ways.

All creation has a rhythm of work and rest. Rest is necessary for the body to restore and regenerate, so we can keep going for another day. Rest is also necessary for the mind, to enable us to take a breather, and then to process all that has happened during the day/week, to deal with things in its own way; to "de-fragment"and prioritise all the things that keep our minds occupied .

In these times of perpetual impatience, we see many symptoms associated with the lack of rest, refreshment and renewal. Road rage is a symptom that comes to mind most frequently. Another symptom is a marked increase in people suffering from stress related conditions like insomnia, hypertension and heart problems. I myself grind my teeth in times of stress, and I do this unknowingly, while I am asleep!

Asking us to keep the Sabbath holy is God's way of reminding us to stop and take a breath, to take time to focus on the important things: giving thanks for what we have (we often forget this in our race to accomplish more, be more, have more, live more, etc.), adoring and worshiping the One who has given us life and the ability to enjoy it, enjoying our loved ones, and renewing our body and minds to prepare us for the week ahead. This is not to say that we cannot do these things on other days, it is simply a call to set time aside to make sure it gets done.

At the centre of all of this, for me, is the premise that successful relationships require time - my relationship with God requires time spent in prayer and conversation with Him; my relationship with my husband requires quality time spent with each other in the absence of distractions like the TV or the phone/internet; and quality time with my parish and community requires fellowship, works of charity and, of course, collective worship at the celebration of mass on Sundays.

"A weekly day of rest enables us to use the other six days much more profitably. It also gives us sufficient time to meditate and think about those things that can bring special meaning and divine purpose to our busy lives. It provides time and space for families and couples to draw closer together. It provides precious time to read and study the Bible, the book that tells us how to live in a way that is infinitely rewarding, purposeful and fulfilling." - The Good News Magazine (December 2003)

The Sabbath is an integral part of the Ten Commandments, and it plays an important role in our relationship with God and with others. It helps us to please our Creator and sets the tone for us to worship him in the manner He wants us to and rightfully deserves.

And so, on Sundays, I go to church, to celebrate the Eucharist in community with fellow believers and to rejoice in the freedom I enjoy because Jesus chose to follow His Father's will and die for me. I remind myself of all that my God has blessed me with (whether I deserve it or not) and I pray for his abundance grace and mercy to be poured out on me as I refresh and prepare for the week ahead. I spend some time in His presence, just being, and seek His will for me in my life.

And, at the end of the day, I am refreshed and renewed, and ready for all the next six days hold.

Commandment #2: You shall not misuse the name of the LORD, your God

2009-07-31T06:06:00.001+10:00

Nowadays, we hear the name "Jesus" uttered quite frequently, often at sporting events.

Father Wahid, a dynamic priest and faithful Hawks supporter (an Aussie rules football club) recalls a football game where a supporter jumped up and shouted "Jesus" as his team missed a goal. Father looked at him, smiled excitedly and said: "Jesus? He's my friend! You know Him too?"

Unfortunately, it has now become commonplace to hear someone say "Jesus!" as an expression of shock or anger, or the words "Oh My God!" drawn out as an expression of surprise.

Respect for a person's name is respect for the person himself. Think about this: do you feel appreciated and honoured when someone you've met once remembers your name the next time you meet, or you are thanked personally by name for something you've done? Conversely, have you ever felt annoyed that someone has mis-spelt your name, or has forgotten your name even though you've been introduced to them umpteen times before?

In the same way, we are called to respect and honour the name of God. Respect is one of the foundations of a good relationship, and the quality of our respect for God reflects our love for Him. As we saw in the first commandment, we are expected to honour God in all we do and one of those ways is to respect His name and not misuse it.

The most obvious way of breaking this commanment is through swearing - using God's name (or Jesus's name) in an abusive, vulgar and irreverant slang. However, anyone who carelessly uses the name of God or Christ in their everyday conversation is also abusing God's name. The name "Christ" means "annointed one". Jesus, the Son of God, came as our Saviour and King. He is our salvation. However, by simply and irreverantly uttering his name, without understanding and recognising its significance for our salvation, makes the utterance meaningless.

Let's take this a step further.

As followers of Christ, our behaviour either honours or dishonours God. We are called to be the light of the world, to reflect the goodness of our Father. "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)

Not to put too much pressure on you but, if you profess to be a child of God (follower of Christ), people will look to you and, through your behaviour, will learn about God and His nature. We are to honour God by our example and accord Him the respect His name deserves, through our actions and the way we conduct ourselves.

Therefore, another way we can misuse God's name is through our conduct. Have you preached one thing, but gone out and done the exact opposite? For example, do we express patience in church, and then swear at other drivers because they're driving too slowly out of the church grounds? Or maybe we offer each other peace at mass, and then gossip about a friend's shortcomings over lunch? How about when we profess our love for God and all His creation, and then cross the street so we do not have to acknowledge the homeless person begging on the street corner for a bite to eat? What example are you living?

Thee best way to honour God is to enter into a relationship with him which stems from our heart, and aligns our heart with His. This journey involves honouring Him in our thoughts, in understanding what He requires of us and why, in recognising that our very existence and salvation depends on His goodness and mercy. It involves talking to Him in prayer, constantly, not just when we need that extra bit of help. It's about living daily in His presence, always being "online" with God.

So, are you aligning your heart with God's heart?

Commandment #1: I am the LORD, your God

2009-07-30T23:32:00.000+10:00

What is our greatest priority?

That is the question that this commandment answers; it is the foundation of our faith and forms the basis of our relationship with God.

Is God at the centre of your life? Is He the supreme authority, the One you worship, adore, love, honour and respect?

Or is He someone you visit once in a while?

God desires a relationship with us, one where love flows constantly from the Creator to his beloved (us), and in return, from us to Him.

Establishing, developing and maintaining this relationship with our living God, as this commandment requires, is the single most important commitment we will ever make.

In the book of Corinthians, we see that the relationship God wants with us is that of children with their Father. "I will be Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty" (2 Corinthians 6:18).

Have you seen a Father adore his newborn child? The look of immense pride and wonder, overflowing with an abundance of love, is often visible on the faces of new fathers looking down at their newborn son or daughter. Just as the parent is focused on that child, so to is God centred on us.

The focus of God's love is you and me, His creation.

So, now that we know we are loved, how do we love Him in return?

We start by adoring our Creator. To adore God is to acknowledge Him as God, our Creator and Saviour, Master of everything, the very essence of Love. We give Him praise and thanks in everything we done, and we are grateful for all we have.

We make Him the centre of our lives, and place Him above all else. Have you chosen the pursuit of wealth over time with your family, or chosen to seek your future in the reading of tarot cards, instead of turning to God, who is already in your future?

We spend time with Him, sometimes in prayer and praise and sometimes in silence, content to just listen and remain in His presence. We read the Bible, and meditate on His word. We share with others the wonder of His presence in our lives and, through our lives and our actions, we introduce others to God who loves them so much and desires a relationship with them.

So, what is your greatest priority?

I will leave you with this:

God reveals, through creation, that He is alive and well. You only have to look around at the wonders of creation and the delicate balance of our environment to see this truth and recognise God's majesty. Tomorrow morning, when you wake up and the sun is rising in the east, as it faithfully does every single day, I encourage you to reaffirm your commitment to Him and worship Him, your God.

The Ten Commandments (not suggestions)

2009-07-14T05:07:00.008+10:00

Exodus 20:1-17 lists the Ten Commandments which were authored by God and given to Moses on Mount Sinai.

As Christians, the Ten Commandments (found in the Old Testament) form the moral foundation of our belief; the "rules" of our religion, if you like. They are (in plain English):

(the first 3 govern our relationship with God)

1. I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall
not make for yourself and idol.
2. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord, your God.
3. Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

(the next 5 govern our relationship with others/humanity)

4. Honour your father and your mother.
5. You shall not kill.
6. You shall not commit adultery.
7. You shall not steal.
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour.

(the last 2 govern our private thoughts)

9. You shall not covet your neighbour's wife.
10. You shall not covet anything that belongs to your neighbour.

Jesus simplified these commandments into two simple rules:

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And the second is like it: You shall love your neighbour as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the laws and the prophets." - Matthew 22:34-40

Now that's what I call dumbing things down!!

And yet, a lot of us struggle to keep these commandments (saying "it's too hard") and often think it's ok to pick and choose which of the commandments we will honour, and which we will ignore, on the pretext that it "doesn't apply" to today's circumstances (since the Commandments were handed down eons ago!).

In the New International Version (NIV) bible, Exodus 20:1 says "And God spoke all these words"; in the King James Version , the same verse says: "And God spake all these words"; and in the New American Bible, it says: "Then God delivered all these commandments",

Where does it say in the bible that the Ten Commandments are a suggestion??

So, keeping that in mind, please join me over the next few weeks as we spend some time breaking down each commandment into simple and practical actions for everyday living.

A change is coming..

2009-06-15T22:58:00.010+10:00

This blog started out as an outlet for me to throw my thoughts out there and start working on my dreams of writing, in the form of documenting my reflections on this journey through life...

However, day by day, it is transforming into a journey of faith for me.

I will be the first to admit that I have "mustard seed faith". If you're not sure what a mustard seed is, here's a picture:

Mustard seeds are tiny.. (and the black mustard seeds are yummy!)..but they hold great potential...this is a mustard seed.. all grown up...

Back to me. As I said, I have faith the size of a mustard seed; I am a baby in my faith. I've found that in reflecting and writing here, I am learning more and more about God and my faith every day, and I am slowly growing. My prayer is that, someday, my mustard seed of faith will grow up to be a mustard tree that gives shadow and comfort to others, both through my writing and in my life.

And, so, I think its time to change the name of this blog to reflect what my writing is really about: my journey of faith (which is so much more than just my journey through life).

For some reason, the title "Mustard Seed Faith" keeps coming back to me but, in my vanity, I would prefer something catchier, like Breath of Life or Reflections of Faith, or A Christian Thinker, or something!!

So, instead of being my usual impulsive self, I am going to be still and wait on the Spirit, in the hopes that better name will come along or, at the very least, I'll like Mustard Seed Faith :) So, if you have a suggestion for me, please let me know!

Rest assured, the reflections and comments will keep coming (although there may be a change in layout and colours), so I do hope you'll join me on this journey of faith. After all, any journey is made better by the company of friends.

Love,
Sharon

Which pet are you feeding?

2009-06-14T00:35:00.014+10:00

Today, I had the pleasure of attending (and singing at) two wedding celebrations.

The first ceremony was to celebrate the marriage of a young couple, stepping into this next phase in their lives, ready to commit to an "us" - complete with the handsome groom, gorgeous little flower girls (dressed in white satin with long blond hair) and the stunning bride, looking absolutely radiant on this, her wedding day.

The second ceremony (two hours later, with a coffee break in between) was for a beautiful couple who were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. 50 years together! Can you believe that? I can't begin to imagine what it must take, to love and honour and support another person for that long (and not kill them in the process!) and so, being in a church, I posed that question to God.

And, as it happens, He answered.

When we first marry, at the time we say "I Do", we are given 2 pets: the marriage pet (the rabbit), and the divorce pet (the wolf). Every day, we can either feed the rabbit or the wolf; feeding one starves the other. If we feed the rabbit, one day it will feed us (as a yummy stew). If we feed the wolf, then one day that wolf will grow up and feed on us instead. The point it, we have a choice.

We choose which pet we feed. In every thought, in every argument, in every decision we make, we are choosing which pet to feed. Every day, we are either building our marriage or taking steps to breaking it down.

It may be a small step: maybe you tell your wife a tiny lie (that you justify by saying "the truth would hurt her more"), or you tell a joke to your friends that puts your husband down (saying "it's only a joke, it's funny"), or you take for granted the fact that your spouse takes out the garbage very night or keeps your car filled with petrol, or you forget to say "I love you and appreciate you", thinking they should already know this by now.

But, small steps add up, much like pennies do. And, befiore you know it, you start to feel unloved and resentful towards your spouse. Then you justify looking for comfort or romance elsewhere, and the idea of walking out on your vows starts becoming an option. The wolf is ready for his meal.

So, which pet are you feeding?

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. - Ogden Nash

Why do we worry? - Part 1

2009-06-10T00:13:00.004+10:00

These days, it seems that we all have a lot to worry about, perhaps more than ever, with the general uncertainty both in the world and within ourselves.

Perhaps you're worrying about how all the bills are going to get paid, how to keep your family together or put food on the table, whether you'll keep my job in this recession, what people think of you... the list goes on. I think, given half the change, I could waste a good part of each day worrying, mostly about things that are not within my control.

But really, what has worrying ever done for you? For me, it causes me to grind my teeth (they're small enough as it is!) and lose precious sleep. It takes away from my enjoyment of a good movie, or quality time with my husband, because my mind is engaged elsewhere.

Don't get me wrong, some worrying is healthy, where it enables us to prepare for unexpected circumstances or outcomes, and I am all for being prepared (I blame this on my days as a Brownie/Girl Guide!). But, for today, I am talking about unnecessary worry.

We rarely worry about the present. What we usually worry about is the future: what may or may not happen. And we usually forget what has already happened in the past, and how worrying didn't really help with anything.

Have you ever stopped to think about what you're actually saying/doing when you worry?

Luke 12:6-7 says: Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten in God's sight. But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Now, if we are constantly in God's sight, basking in his warm, loving gaze, surely He knows what tomorrow holds and what we'll need to get through it.

Before we explore that, let's take a walk down memory lane. Can you think of a time in your past when you've been worried sick about a situation and you couldn't find a way out? What happened? I would have worried myself sick and then finally surrendered it to God, once I'd accepted that there just wasn't anything I could do about it.

And you know what? Once I'd surrendered the problem to God, I was usually able to get a good night's rest and go on with my day to day activities. In time, God, in His faithfulness, provided me with the grace to get through the situation, whether it be wisdom to recognise an opportunity for change, or peace to accept the way things were, or courage to do what was necessary.

So, back to basking in God's gaze.

Bearing in mind that we usually worry about areas beyond our control. we basically spend a lot of time doing God's work for Him. Even though he has been faithful to us in the past, we still worry about out future. So, aren't we basically saying, "God, I don't trust You to take care of me tomorrow" when we worry? Aren't we saying "I know you've always been faithful to me in the past, but this time its different. This problem is different, and I don't know if You're going to be able to take care of it"?

Can there be forgiveness without justice?

2009-05-26T01:07:00.005+10:00

We often hear the phrase, "Forgive and forget". God knows I say it often enough.

And, for the most part, God has given me the grace to forgive time and time again, and also to forget and let go of the hurt. Even when I was a child, I always found it hard to hold a grudge; most times I would forget that I was mad at the person I was supposedly fighting with (fighting as only kids can fight) and I'd run up to them with a new game or toy and, with a smile, the fight was over and forgotten. As an adult, the "forgetting" part takes a little longer but, for the most part, I find it easy to forgive and forget.

Until now.

There is one area that I am struggling with at the moment, and it has been weighing on my mind recently, as I haven't been able to forgive nor forget, and move on. I have been praying for the grace to let go, but somehow, try as I might, I can't seem to fully forgive and forget.

Why am I pondering this now? Recently, I came upon this verse Luke 6:28 which says, "Invoke blessings upon and pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's blessing upon those who abuse you."

So here I am, thinking to myself, "Ok I can do this, I can pray for people who have hurt me, no problem, I do it all the time!"

And, at this point, I hear the Spirit within me chide, "Oh, really?"

And I am reminded of this person who, try as I might, I just can't forgive.

Now, to put this in context, I am not reduced to tears when I see this person, nor am I filled with hatred or unable to hold a general conversation with this person when our paths happen to cross. But, I feel like a hypocrite each time I speak to this person, because I am not speaking from a place of grace. Instead, I am reminded of all the times this person has bullied over the last year, the hurt their words have caused, the times I spent wondering whether it was something I said or did that neccessitated them treating me the way they did, and I feel myself getting annoyed at them all over again. With reflection, I've come to realise that the underlying hurt stems from the distrust I feel towards this person, as I once called them friend, and yet this person's attitude was far from friend-like during those times.

In any case, that is neither here nor there. God calls me to forgive, time and time again, but this time, it is really hard. Which is strange because, in the past, I've forgiven others worse, so this should be a piece of cake.

I am reminded of something I've heard from two different priests at two different times: that there can't be forgiveness without justice. And this is where the difference lies. With others, there has been some remorse or apology, or the extending of an olive branch, some acknowledgement of the hurt or betrayal, an opportunity for us to forgive, kiss and make up, and then move on. But with this person, there has been none of that. In the past, they have just pretended that the act of bullying did not happen (or they genuinely are unaware of the hurt they caused, although I find this hard to believe) and have sought me out when they've needed me for something. So there has been no closure, or justice, no opportunity to kiss and make up.

So, does this mean I do not forgive until this person apologises? What good does that do? It's akin to drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die; it serves no purpose and really only hurts yourself, the other person often doesn't care if you forgive them or not!

Instead, I believe I am called to work on myself, to pray for the grace to slowly let go of the hurt that this person has caused and, while doing so, to pray for God's blessing on them. By God's blessing, I don't mean praying for them to prosper (I'm not that spiritually mature!!). I am praying for God to bless them spiritually, that He may reveal to them, in His time and through His will, their attitude and behaviour, and that they may be open to His will and that, by doing so, they may realise the error of their ways and change, by His grace.

Please pray for me.

Are you known by your fruit?

2009-05-20T01:08:00.006+10:00

Have you ever seen a tree and guessed what type of tree it was, maybe by the shape of its leaves, or the form of its flowers, or by the fruit hanging off its branches?

If you see oranges, you'd know right away that it is an orange tree; likewise if you see cherries or apples, you'd know what kind of tree you're looking at. The fruits clearly demonstrate the nature of the tree.

And so it is with us.

We proclaim that we are Christians with outward signs: some wear a cross around their neck, others have rosary rings, yet others have bumper stickers encouraging fellow drivers to "Honk if you love Jesus". And yet, how many times have we cut someone off while driving, or yelled at a slow driver as we're rushing out of the church carpark after a service, or gossipped about a friend over lunch? Would those looking at us know we are Christians by our day to day actions?

Luke 6:44 says "For each tree is known and identified by its own fruit, for figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor is a cluster of grapes picked from a bramblebush."

When my husband and I first starting dating, he sort of believed in God but didn't necessarily follow any particular religion and he certainly didn't proclaim to be a Christian. I, on the other hand, have been a Roman Catholic from birth and have always proclaimed to be a Christian (even though, for the most part of my life, I didn't understand what that truly meant or what was required of me, but that is a story for another post).

Anyway, I had decided, from a young age, that I was going to marry a Catholic man. I wanted our kids to be brought up Catholic and I always had this image of my husband and I praying together and drawing strength from each other as we say the rosary as a family, or in another image a scene with little hands clasped around the fingers of bigger hands as we say grace before our evening meal. Small problem: up until last year, my husband wasn't baptised, nor was he Catholic.

Flashback to a few years ago: my mother and I are sitting on the couch, enjoying a cup of coffee and some biscuits, and we're talking about my husband (then boyfriend). I mention my concerns about my husband not being Catholic (or even Christian) and my worry that a marriage between us would not work out because of our differences in belief. And my beautiful mother, in her wisdom, says this to me,

"Girl, sometimes it's not about what we call ourselves, it's about what we do. He may not be Christian in name, but he is definitely Christian in substance."

My husband is one of the most giving people I know; he gives freely of himself, even when he is tired or sick. He shows love and compassion to strangers and loved ones alike, without any expectation of reward. He honours his parents and mine, and shows me great patience and love when I am at my worst. He lived a Christian life and didn't know it. And to think that, all these years, I have been in a relationship with a Christian, and I hadn't recognised it! I have much to learn from him.

So, what fruit do you bear?

P/s: God works in mysterious ways, and He is always on time. Shortly after that conversation with my mother, my husband proposed to me and I happily said yes, knowing that our journey together would be strengthened by our united faith. My husband was accepted into the Catholic Church and was baptised and confirmed at the Easter Vigil last year (2008), and we were married a few months after that.

I Am Chosen

2009-05-18T22:55:00.014+10:00

I have always gone out of my way to be liked by others. I would bend over backwards to avoid disappointing someone, even if it means that I ended up unhappy. Often, I would do whatever was required to not disappoint them, then I'd be disappointed and upset with myself for days afterwards, beating myself up for not standing up for myself or giving my needs priority.

Have you been there before? Where someone's asked you to do something and you really didn't want to say yes, but you said yes anyway because saying no would have meant diappointing that person (at least, you thought they'd be disappointed, they may not have even cared!) and you didn't like the idea of having someone be disappointed in you. Or when someone's treated you badly and you still bend over backwards to please them, knowing they'll only hurt you again?

I have. I've been there many times before, it's an old story.

But, I'm proud to say that I have been working on this for the past few years (more so in the last year) and I am improving day by day; however, I'm not perfect and I do fall at times.

Each time I fall, I remind myself of this verse:

John 15:16 You have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you.

Imagine, me, with all my faults and weaknesses, with my doubts and insecurities (and my obsession for being liked) - God has chosen me, ME! I don't deserve it, and I definitely haven't earned it, but He chose me. Little old me, chosen, to be His own, wow!

I have chosen you.

And what have I done all these years? I have broken my back trying to earn the acceptance of people around me, some of whom don't even care about me! All that time wasted (yes, wasted, there is no redeeming factor here) running around trying to get people to like me. Yet, I don't think I spent even one tenth of that time building my relationship with the one that chose Me!

I have chosen you.

I did not have to earn the privilege of being chosen; I didn't have to jump up and down, in a sea of people, shouting "Pick me! Pick me!" to get His attention; I didn't have to learn tricks to his His love or approval and, I think I have been taking that for granted.

What you spend most of your time doing is usually what your priority is in life (remember, actions speak louder than words). I spent more time seeking worldly acceptance, forgetting that I already have the most important acceptance there is, and I didn't have to bend over backwards for it.

So, each time I fall, I remember this verse, and I pause whatever I'm about to do, I take a deep breath, and I hold on to His promise and know that I am accepted by the most important one in my life. And then, I walk away, knowing I am chosen and worthy of love, just as I am.

I am chosen.

Moving The Rock - Story

2009-05-17T23:24:00.004+10:00

(Author Unknown)

There was a man who was asleep one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told him he had a work for him to do, and showed him a large rock, explaining that he was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, and for many days he toiled from sunup to sundown; his shoulder set squarely against the cold massive surface of the rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to the cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

One day he decided to take his troubles to the Lord. Lord, he said, I have labored hard and long in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked me. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?

To this the Lord responded compassionately, My friend,…when long ago I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you to push against the rock with all your strength, and you have done that. But never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it, at least not by yourself. You task was to push and now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed and are ready to quit.

But is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewed and brown. Your hands are callused from constant pressure and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition, you have grown much and your ability now far surpasses that which you used to have. Yet still, you haven’t succeeded in moving the rock; and you come to me now with a heavy heart and your strength spent.

I, my friend, will move the rock. Your calling was to be obedient and to push, and to exercise your faith and trust in my wisdom…and THIS YOU HAVE DONE.

The Move (Part 1)

2009-05-16T14:16:00.007+10:00

We moved offices today. Well, not the whole building (in case you had the image of an entire office building picking up its legs and walking across city blocks to its new residence), but we packed up everything in the office that will be moved by the professional movers over the weekend. It was hard work packing up 3 years worth of accumulated stuff (some of it was valuable, but most of it was junk!) into only 6 boxes - not bad for a self-confessed pack rat, I think.

Most of it was physical work: sorting documents and things into the "keep" pile or mercilessly tossing them into the "don't need it anymore" pile, packing the things neatly into boxes, carting items to the bins and recycling boxes, cleaning up drawers and cupboards, taping up boxes and finally labelling and stacking the boxes up neatly for the movers.

But some of it was emotional: finding something I thought I'd love and greeting it like an old friend, throwing out documents or notes that had hurt me or caused me grief in the past, and just a general sadness to be leaving a place that has been my home away from home (I spend more waking hours a day at work that I do at home) for the last 3 years.

After saying goodbye to the place, my team and I carted our stuff (all our personal belongings and our laptops) down the lift to the ground floor and out to the food court; some made a bee-line for the usual pub for a final drink, and others headed out to shop, while the rest headed back home to escape the dreary weather outside.

And then there's me, sitting in the food court outside Gloria Jeans, waiting for Malcolm to come pick me up, since he has the car and there is no way I could walk/tram home with all this stuff - I have one big red handbag, a trolley bag with my laptop and work materials, and 2 green bags filled with my tax legislation and other personal effects.

And, of course, I started thinking: if physically moving (whether to a new office, or a new house, or even to a different country) is too hard, how much harder must it be to emotionally "move"? I'm talking about "moving" from one partner to the next, letting go of one dream and stepping into the next, not knowing whether this dream is going to come true, or even "moving" from one belief to the next?

At some point in time, we've all had a desire in our hearts. Something that's consumed our thoughts and passion and belief so strongly that we though we'd die (or surely not be as happy) if we couldn't have what this dream offered. For some, it may be the love of someone they had feelings for, for others a new house, for some a desperate yearning for a child of their own, and yet for others, maybe a dream to pursue a different calling in life.

And, for some of us, we came to the realisation, whether on our own or through events happening, that the dream just wasn't going to become a reality: maybe the one you loved with all your heart married someone else, maybe your partner is never going to change or give up that addiction, maybe you were retrenched or fell ill and could no longer afford a new house, maybe you found out you were not able to have children naturally, or maybe that calling just did not materialise.

Have you been there? How did you feel? What did you do?

In life, we often have to choose a path and, when we come an obstacle, we can either find a way around or over the obstacle, or we choose to modify our paths and follow a different route. Sometimes, we come to a dead end, so that choice is effectively made for us.

When I was young, I used to always hear phrases like "Behind every cloud there is a silver lining" or "in dark times come opportunities to shine" or "when God closes a door He opens a window" and many other platitudes meant to comfort those who are mourning the loss of something.

Sometimes, we have to lose things in order to gain things. That's not to say that every time we lose something, we'll get something better (sometimes, we've just lost something due to pure stupidity on our part, so don't go expecting to be rewarded for that!). But I believe that God has a plan and, sometimes, when our lives haven't gone exactly to our plan, it may be that God is encouraging a correction in our lives. You see, as humans, we can only see what has happened or is happening today. We have no knowledge of what tomorrow holds and can only, at best, guess what it is store for us. God, on the other hand, sees everything, and He knows exactly what's in store for us if we stay on the path we are on.

An Encounter With Love

2009-05-07T21:15:00.038+10:00

There's a song that I really like at the moment, Hosanna, by Hillsong.

The entire song is beautiful, but I keep coming back to the bridge and these words:

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

"Show me how to love like You have loved me" - as they say, be careful what you ask for! This has been my prayer for a while and, when you ask, God delivers! Here's something that happened to me a few weeks ago, that brought this message home.

The parish I belong to is in the heart of the city of Melbourne, and the poor and homeless often come to our church as we have a community that ministers especially to the poor street children. Given my love for personal cleanliness and my dislike of unknown people touching me, it is quite hard for me to minister to a street child who has been living on the streets, who maybe hasn't had the opportunity to have a shower or brush their teeth, or even wash their hands in a while, life's little luxuries that I take for granted.

So anyway, a street child comes into church one day and starts talking to Malcolm while our music ministry is practising for the Holy Week and Easter celebrations. He has clearly been living on the streets for a while, and I only noticed him when I turned away from my music to identify the less than pleasant odour that was assaulting my sense of smell and making it hard for me to breathe and, consequently, sing.

Imagine my surprise when I see Malcolm (who normally doesn't like strangers or socialising, and especially not when the two are combined!) sitting down and having a conversation with him. He sees me looking at him, comes up to me, hugs me and says "I love you, sister, you sing like an angel." Now, I am not proud of this moment (thankfully, God's mercy is infinite and readily available!), but I cringe on the inside and I can physically feel my skin shrinking away from his dirt encrusted fingers. That night, all throughout mass, I couldn't wait to get home and take a shower and wash my clothes.

This encounter was repeated a few times over the next week, with this child (while he is physically 19 years old, he probably has the mental age of a 12 or 13 year old) running up to me in church or the carpark for a hug and to say "I love you, sister" even when I didn't respond in kind. In fact, a couple of times, I even told him off because he was disrupting our practice or praise time to come and tell me he loves me or to kiss my hand (if I indicated I didn't want to be touched/hugged), and all he would do would be to apologise profusely and then to proceed, again, to say "I just wanted to say I love you, sister".

As I was praying and preparing for the Good Friday celebration, the song Hosanna was playing in the background, and I started singing along. As it came to the bridge, and the words "Show me how to love.." were leaving my lips, I felt my heart still and, in that moment, I realised that my prayer had been answered, in a way I didn't recognise until that moment.

You see, this child didn't care what I wore or how I looked or how well I sang or even how I treated him; he loved me exactly as I am, and just wanted me to know that. And that is exactly how God loves you and me. He doesn't care about the outer layers, the image we put out there for people to see and hopefully approve and love, He doesn't care about the walls we've built up, whether to make ourselves look more valuable than we really feel or even to keep people out. He sees past all of that to who we are on the inside and, regardless of what we've done or what we've been through, He loves us, wholeheartedly and unconditionally. And, through my encounter with this child, He was telling me that He loves me as I am, and also reminding me that to love like Him, I have to LOVE like Him: unconditionally, looking past the outer layers to the person within.

At church that night, when this child came up for his hug, I hugged him back and said, "I love you too, brother" and my heart was light.

Click on the video below, to listen to the song. Enjoy :)

Paid In Full - Story

2009-05-07T20:37:00.005+10:00

After living what I felt was a "decent life", my time on earth came to the end. The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of what I thought to be a courthouse. The doors opened and I was instructed to come in and have a seat by the defence table.

As I looked around I saw the "prosecutor". He was a villainous looking gent who snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and there sat My Attorney, a kind and gentle looking man whose appearance seemed so familiar to me, I felt I knew Him.

The corner door flew open and there appeared the Judge in full flowing robes. He commanded an awesome presence as He moved across the room. I couldn't take my eyes off of Him. As He took His seat behind the bench, He said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies I told, things I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told of other horrible perversions once in my life and, the more he spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarassed, I couldn't look at anyone, even my own Attorney, as the Devil told of sings even I had completely forgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at My Attorney who sat there silently not offering any form of defence at all. I know I was guilty of those things, but I did some good in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I'd done?

Satan finished with a fury and said, "This man belongs in hell, he is guilty of all I have charged and there is not a person who can prove otherwise."

When it was His turn, My Attorney first asked if He might approach the bench. The Judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and beckoned Him to come forward. As He got up and started walking, I was able to see Him in His full splendor and majesty. I realised why He seemed so familiar; this was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Saviour.

He stopped at the bend and softly said to the Judge, "Hi, Dad" then he turned to address the court. "Satan was correct in saying this man sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And yes, the wage of sin is death, and this man deserves to be punished."

Jesus took a deep breath and turned to His Father with outstretched arms and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so this person might have eternal life and he accepted Me as his Saviour, so he is Mine."

My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the Book of Life and no one can snatch Him from Me. Satan still does not understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down, He quietly paused, looked at His Father and said, "There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all."

The Judge lifted His mighty hand and slammed the gavel down. The following words bellowed from His lips.. "This man is free. The penalty for him was already paid in full. Case dismissed."

As my Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give up, I will win the next one."

I asked Jesus as He gave me my instructions where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?" Christ loving smiled and said, "Everyone that comes to Me and asked Me to represent them, received the same verdict as you, "PAID IN FULL."

Unconditional Love

2009-05-04T23:26:00.012+10:00

Unconditional Love - "to love someone regardless of one's actions or beliefs"

The word unconditional means absolute, without conditions or limitations.

We often hear this phrase "unconditional love" used in the context of God and Christianity (unconditional love being the love God has for us, where He separates the sin from the sinner, and loves us immeasurably).

For me, the best daily example of unconditional love is one you get from a pet (I am going to use a dog as an example, because I don't think my cat respects me very much, and I never know what the turtles are thinking!).

The picture above is one of Emmy, our Schnauzer, aka Monster. She is the epitome of love and forgiveness. Emmy is a bouncing bundle of wet joy, always wanting to lick and nuzzle and be in contact with someone. Even if she's fast asleep, and you call her name, she will come running (or stumbling) from wherever she was to greet you with a lick and a cuddle. If you push her away or shout at her, she will wait for an opening to come back and try again, never sulking or playing hard to get.

I love that she's always so happy to see me, regardless of whether I've been away from home for 5 minutes or 5 months, and that no amount of ignoring her to pushing her away will make her stay away. It's so comforting to know that I'll always have someone/thing who loves me just the way I am.

I feel blessed.

We also have another dog in the house, Tassie (a Golden Retriever) but she's a bit of a snob, and is more than capable of ignoring you when it suits her!

Cleaning out my desk

2009-05-04T23:02:00.011+10:00

Our office is moving to a new building on the other side of town (DFO, here I come!) next week. In light of that, I decided to start cleaning up my desk today (it's amazing what you can accumulate in 2 short years!) and, after 2 hours, I've probably only completed 20% of task. I see a few long nights ahead...

I think, going forward, I am going to make it a point to clean up my desk at least once a month, and being absolutely brutal about what is saved and what is dumped. Hhhm.. something about good intentions paving the path....

Anyway, it got me to thinking of my pack-rat habits... I keep lots and lots of things, "just in case" I need it some day in the future. At work, I have articles that I've never gotten around to reading, brochures of seminars that I wanted to attend (from 2 years ago, ain't gonna happen now!), old shopping receipts, lots of packets of tomato sauce and, in my drawer, heaps and heaps of tea (green, black, ginger, camomile, all sorts!) and chopsticks.

At home, I have clothes that are now too big for me, which I keep in case I ever return to that size (why?!), magazines (for paper mache, maybe?) and a host of articles, shoes and handbags that have holes bigger than my hand!

Now, I wonder, how many of us have pack-rat minds? Now, mind you, I think we should expanding hard-drive space in our minds for happy memories, but how many of us fill our minds with bad stuff: that incident from ten years ago which we still worry about today, or that hurt from last year that we pull out from time to time and stroke, as we nurse rhat self-righteous anger? Or maybe a lost love, or what-if, that we can't bring ourselves to move on from?

Hhhm... I think it's time I cleaned out my mind...

A little romance..

2009-05-04T22:57:00.006+10:00

What must a girl do to get a little romance around here....??

Mondays...

2009-05-03T23:35:00.006+10:00

Now that another weekend is over... the Monday blues come rolling in ... (and it's not even Monday yet!)

How do you feel about Mondays?

Why must we suffer?

2009-05-02T02:45:00.028+10:00

Have you ever wondered, if God is the author of creation, love incarnate, and He loves us more than we can ever understand, why do we have to suffer? Surely, if God loves us so much that He would send His only Son to die for us, how can he watch us suffer in pain and sorrow?

Malachi 3:3 says this of God: He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.

What does that say of God's character? Perhaps this email I received will help us understand this statement:

This verse puzzled some women in a bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire... If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

So, why do we have to suffer? I think the purpose of suffering is twofold: firstly, to burn off impurities within ourselves. Maybe there are parts of our character that have developed into habits/traits that are not good for us. The example that comes foremost to mind is when we have too much pride, and something happens to knock us off our own pedestal. Or maybe there are deficiencies in us, traits that we need to develop in order for us to not only enrich our lives, but the lives of those around us as well. Times of suffering provide us with opportunities to grow and develop and refine, just as the hot fire refines the piece of silver.

The second purpose of suffering, I believe, is to teach us to rely less on ourselves and more on God. We'll go into this a bit deeper in another post.

So, coming back to this story. We know that suffering gives us the opportunity to be purified. Have you ever been so caught up in your suffering, not knowing which way is up, that you've cried out to God, asking why He's abandoned you and allowed you to suffer on your own? I have, many times. And although the poem Footprints In The Sand (see separate post) is one of my favourite poems, I still have moments of despair when I wonder if God is listening, or if He's busy elsewhere.

A refiner of silver has to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time that it is in the fire, to ensure it is not destroyed. How blessed are we, to have a Father who has his eye on us every moment of our lives? It brings me great comfort to know that, in my moments of suffering, as in my moments of joy, my Father has his loving eyes on me always; I am never alone.

The last part of this story is probably the part that is most dear to me. The refiner is asked, "How do you know when the silver is ready?" and he replies, "When I see my image in it". We are made in God's image, you and I, and, along this journey through life, we pick up dents and bruises and other things that tarnish us a little. But God created us in His image, and he uses our suffering to refine us, so that we may once again reflect his image in our lives. How amazing, and how much we must be worth to our Father in heaven, if He has made us in His image and purifies us that we may continue to reflect His glory and love in our life.

So.. if today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God loves you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

Is a frayed piece of string holding you back?

2009-04-10T21:36:00.014+10:00

At the Good Friday celebration at church this afternoon, our priest shared the following story with us:

"One day, a man was out walking and came across a circus being set up. Standing out amid all the bustle was a huge and magnificent elephant tethered to a stout post. Yet the elephant was tied not with thick ropes or heavy chains, but a frayed and dirty piece of string. The man was so amazed at this that he went up and asked how such a thing could be. The person told him that the circus had had the elephant since it was a baby, so small that the string they tied it with was too much for it to break, no matter how hard it tried.

The elephant grew and grew, but in its mind the string remained so strong, too strong to break - and so it was."

As I reflected on the story, I started thinking about things that were holding me back; fears that I have that are based on a single incident or a barely remembered memory, that continue to affect my life today.

For example, I've always loved the water, and the ocean; the bigger the waves, the more I wanted to be in the water. But one day, while playing in rough seas, I was bowled over by a series or rough waves and, for a while there, I thought I was going to drown. Since then, I have been wary of large waves, and not only am apprehensive of going into the water at these moments, but I also seek to hold my husband back, for fear that something would happen to him. Now, I have many happy memories of being in the ocean, and yet this one memory has me tightly tethered to shallow waters, stronger than all those happy memories put together.

So, what's keeping you bound, or tied down? Did you fall off a bike, and haven't found the courage to get back on? Or perhaps you've given up on love, because it never quite works out the way you think it would? Have you been betrayed, and can't bring yourself to trust again? Maybe you've cried out for help, and received only silence in return, and now you're not sure God exists?

We have a choice; granted it's not always an easy one, but a choice nonetheless. Are you going to let that fear or memory or experience keep you tied up, looking at the prize that always seems just out of reach? Or are you going to take a leap of faith and break away, and step into the fullness of life and embrace all that is in store for you?

My prayer for you and me today is that, through God's grace, we may find the wisdom to see the pieces of frayed string that are holding us back and the courage to break those pieces of string and step into the light, knowing in faith that goodness and freedom awaits us.

Love,
Sharon

The Love of My Life

2009-04-02T23:46:00.017+11:00

I was going through some old emails, looking for a particular story, and I came across this email that I wrote one night a few years ago. I will let the words speak for themselves.

At the moment, I have no actual news to share with you, so I thought I'd share my thoughts for a change. Last night, 4 of us girls got together and enjoyed a girls night in. We had home-made pizza, wine, beer, cheese, grapes, crackers, scintillating conversation ( released from our inhibitions by the absence of men! ) and a beautiful balmy night with twinkling stars set against a black velvet backdrop. .Unfortunately, the rest of the girls decided to finish off the beer in the fridge that was left over from our last dinner get-together, so the wine drinking was left to yours truly. It was a beautiful bottle of wine (Browns Brothers Spatlese Lexia) courtesy of the gorgeous Emmy, and for the first time in my life I actually polished off the whole bottle!

The night's entertainment, aside from the R-rated conversation, was the live telecast of the royal wedding which took place Saturday afternoon. This being monarch crazy Australia, two different channels carried live telecasts, one with more respectable presenters, and the other with a more scandalous look at the royal couple's journey, from the time they met back in 1970 till the day they finally meet at the altar.

Watching this, I came to a realization,an epiphany if you please. Being the rational person that I am, I decided to wait until I was in full control of all my faculties before composing this email, to make sure that it makes sense and I don't go rambling off saying embarrassing things :) Yes, that's the accountant in me speaking :) For those interested, the wine didn't make me happy or uninhibited (not more than I usually am anyway!), it only made me hot. Sigh, alcohol is wasted on me, I have no cheap thrills to take advantage of! How will I ever be admitted as a citizen of Australia now? :)

The romantic in me is dying to have her say, which is the purpose of this email, so I shall get on with it. Basically, the commentary, entitled "The Woman Who Would Be Queen" talked about how Camilla and Prince Charles had met way back in 1970, but their association was cut short when he joined the navy, and she subsequently married her now ex-husband Andrew in 1973. Their respective marriages didn't stop them from resuming their affair, and they are now officially married, 30 years after it all began.

Why didn't these two do something about their love for one another when they had the chance? Did duty get in the way? Was it the difference in their social status? Perhaps they had a reason; she was married when he returned from the navy, and he had a royal obligation to marry and produce heirs. Many believe that Camilla should have stepped back once Prince Charles was married to Princess Diana. To mess in another's marriage, whatever the reason, should never be condoned. But for love, ah, we do stupid things don't we?

Don't get me wrong, I am strongly against adultery, there is no reason that can be given to justify a person breaking their marriage vows. You work at the marriage no matter how hard it is, even when you really feel like throwing the towel in, because marriage vows are the most sacred promises a person can make to another. People seem to rush into marriage these days. I meet a lot of people when I sing at weddings and at church, and I often get to know the couples as we help them prepare for their weddings. This year alone, I've sung at 4 weddings where the couples have known each other less than a year. Less than a year! And you wonder why, 3 years down the road, they're citing irreconcilable differences as their reason for requesting a divorce! Or they complain that their partners aren't the same person they married. Of course people change! Perhaps the problem is that they didn't really know their partners true colors before entering into marriage.

What is the rush to get to the altar? And it's bad enough if it's just the two of you in a marriage, but what about the children who suffer through the fights and animosity and eventually the bitter divorce? Why don't we take the time to find the person we want to love for the rest of our lives? Why do we 'settle' for something we don't really want, thinking it'll be enough? I don't want to marry someone just because he loves me, or because I don't think I'll find anyone better, or simply because it's time for me to get married. I don't to be stuck in a luke-warm marriage years later, thinking "What if things had been different? What if I hadn't settled?" I'm not saying I wouldn't be happy if I settled, but to quote from the movie Hitch: why settle for ordinary, when you can have the extra-ordinary? I can't imagine what it must be like, to be married to one person and be in love with someone else, knowing that you must make a choice between honouring your marriage vows and being true to yourself. It must be such a difficult position to be in. I hope I am never in that position.

I want to marry the love of my life, the one I can't bear to live without, whose face I want to see first thing in the morning, and last thing at night before I close my eyes. I want someone whom I love with heart and soul, whose faults I am aware of and accept, and who loves me for me, not for what I can give them, or what I do for them, or what I make them feel. I want someone I can cajole, but can't manipulate, someone who wants to be by my side, not in front of me leading the way, or behind me in my shadow. Some might say, what happens if I meet this person after I'm married? That would mean that I'd settled, and I believe that the right thing for me to do then would be to make the best of my marriage and be the best possible wife to my husband.

However, what if I meet this person before I'm married? Well, then I have a choice. To stay with the one I'm with, or to have the courage to leave all that is comfortable behind and approach the one I love. If he doesn't love me back, then at least I've tried. But to take the coward's way out, and stay with the one I'm with, for all the wrong reasons: he's comfortable, we've been together for so long, he loves me more than I love him, I don't know if I can find anyone else, for any of these reasons, would only result in heartache to both me and him. Why is it easier to be happy with someone who's not the love of your life, but with whom there is no risk? From whom we can easily walk away? Why do we keep our relationships uncomplicated and easy to move on from when it's all over? Why don't we take the plunge, risk it all, surrender ourselves to the one we love heart and soul, and make it work? Isn't the reward worth it?

All this probably isn't that relevant to those of you who are already married. I hope you married the love of your life, or if you settled, that you've made the best of it and have come to love your partners whole-heartedly. For those of you who aren't married, it isn't too late. Don't be like Charles and Camilla, finally being with the one you've always loved 30 years down the road. I won't say it's time wasted, because they have beautiful children, but imagine what they could have had if they were given the chance, all those years ago, to make a life with one another. I don't want to be like them, in an unhappy marriage, sneaking around to be with the one I love, and hurting others and myself in the process. I want to get it right first time around and make it work. I want to be like my grandparents, still together in their old age, watching over their grandchildren and loving each other more every day.

So, for today, my prayer is that you find the one you love. Some of you may already have, but are holding back from telling that person or doing something about it. I pray that you will have the courage to reach out and grasp your destiny, the one who'll be yours, and to whom you'll belong to, until the end of your days. I wish you all the happiness, joy and peace this life has for you.

All my love,

Sharon

The Whale

2009-03-31T00:54:00.009+11:00

I read the following story in an email, and it got me thinking about the people who make up my support network, who are always there to help me untangle the knots that I find myself in from time to time.

(This story was previously published in the SF Chronicle in 2005. )

If you read the front page story of the SF Chronicle, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines.

She was weighed down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body and tail, a line tugging in her mouth.

A fisherman spotted her just east of the FarraloneIslands (outside the Gold Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help.

Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so badly entangled, the only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her - a very dangerous proposition.

One slap of the tail could kill a rescuer.

They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually freed the whale.

When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them; as if she was thanking them. Some said it was the most beautiful experience of their lives.

The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eye was following him the whole time, and he will never be the same.

May you, and all those you love, be so blessed and fortunate to be surrounded by people who will help you get untangled from the things that are binding you.

And, may you always know the joy of giving and receiving gratitude.